


Spiritual Healing

by Mysticmcknight



Series: Doctor Fest [9]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-10-27 20:30:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 24,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10816170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mysticmcknight/pseuds/Mysticmcknight
Summary: Doctor Julian Bashir, no longer the idealist young pup, takes time off to get away from everything, and finds more than he imagines as his life is changed as it is touched by the past in order to heal the present.





	1. Touched

**Author's Note:**

> This story has a twist, I hope no one is offended by it, it was meant to entertain only.

It had all changed and nothing would ever be the same again. Sisko was gone, lost to the Prophets. O’Brien gone, lost to his wife’s fears. Odo, gone, lost to his desire to return home to his people, as was Garak, for much of the same reason. The only ones left were Kira and Ezri, who took Dax from Jadzia after her death, and soon she would be leaving too, she just didn’t know it yet. //All gone,// he thought as he stared into the vast darkness of space from the tiny observation lounge in which he sought his sanctuary, but not finding it. 

Doctor Julian Bashir, once a young and ambitious man, seeking frontier medicine and new challenges had found it, and now stood alone in the darkness wondering if any of it was worth it. //Gone,// he sighed heavily again, sipping on a large glass bottle of Kanar, something not too long ago he’d never consider, but now clung too. After letting the burning liquid ease down his raw and aching throat, he raised a hand and rubbed his tired and weary eyes, and then gave another sigh.

“She won’t leave you on purpose,” he said to his reflection as he leaned against the thick glass that separated him from the cold depths of space outside. “No, fate has taken care of that too, just like the others,” he added, then took another swig of the Kanar. 

“Dax to Bashir” 

“Yes, Ez,” he answered, knowing what it was she wanted to talk to him about already. 

“I was wondering if you were free, I’d…like to talk to you,” she said, her voice soft, but filled with hesitation. 

//Who is she kidding? I’m the damn CMO, no one gets transferred off this station from my department without my knowledge.// “No, I’m not free,” he replied sharply. 

“Julian are you alright?” 

“No, I’m not all right,” he snapped. “And no, I don’t want to help you pack or discuss it!” he replied and cut the channel. He drank some more to cover the pain of loss and fill the emptiness; Lieutenant Dax was being transferred to the USS Lexington along with a promotion…over him. //So fucking unfair!// his mind growled and in a fit of rage smashed the bottle against the thick glass. “It’s not fair!” he shouted, looking in the direction of the wormhole that at the moment he felt responsible for all his misery!

“Why did you leave me behind?” he shouted with anger and rage, though hurt and anguish mixed within. “Why does everyone leave me,” he cried, as the anguish overtook him and he fell to his knees sobbing. Then he let the darkness of his pain overtake him and soon found a moment of nothingness, for even in the dark void brought on by the alcohol there was no peace. 

**********

“I’m worried about you, Julian.” 

“Take a number and stand in line,” he snapped, as he rose from the biobed where he found himself this morning, his friend and head nurse looking after him. Two seconds after his stinging words he felt regret, “sorry.” 

“You can be as angry as you like and say what you will, but it will not hurt me as much as watching you do this to yourself. You need some time away, some time to gather your thoughts and let your soul heal,” the older Bajoran woman said as she laid a sisterly hand on the young doctor’s back. 

“Are you recommending that…AzThanla…er soul trek again?” he asked lightly, for he knew she understood he was not a religious person, but a man of science. 

“Yes, and as we have discussed before, it has nothing to do with religion, but soul searching. For the Bojorans it does mean seeking out the Prophets, but it is an individual journey, one that I think you would benefit greatly from. If nothing else, you could use the time off and away from here.”

Julian was about to put her off again until he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, //is that me?// His hair was a total disarray, and he looked thin, pale, and miserable, just like he felt. He looked hard and then nodded, “I guess some time away would be good, though I don’t know how much good it will do in the long run. It won’t fix anything or bring back what has been lost,” he said in a soft sad voice. 

“One never knows what one will find when one seeks, Julian. Regardless, take some time off, please.” 

“Okay, I’ll ask Kira for a few days off and” he whirled with a semi-real smile, “Just for you I’ll even go to Bajor and checkout this AzThanla. Who knows, maybe I’ll meet Sisko and I can give him a piece of my mind,” he smirked and then left sickbay to head for Ops, get his time off and avoid Ezri. 

************

Kira gave him three days leave, and though Ezri tried to push herself on to Julian, to go with him and spend some of the time they had left together, he denied her. He didn’t want to say goodbye, he had enough of that already. He told Kira that he was going to the RolKen region, but at the very last minute after landing on Bajor, he felt compelled to change his destination. He recalled many of the Bajoran’s talking about the Natallie Mountains, said to be known for prompting visions to those who sought them, and considered sacred. 

Julian didn’t seem at all concerned that since he was not Bajoran he was not suppose to be there, but he felt determined to seek out these…Prophets, and so he went, not even bothering to ask for permission. He paid no attention to the tiny group of Vedeks he passed as he made his ascend into the mountains, nor did he take notice when one of the younger ones wanted to stop him and the elder, a Bajoran man in his late fifties, held the tiny group back, and gave a knowing smile and a nod to the strange human, and led his party back to the monastery. 

It was almost dark when he arrived at the top of the first hillside that was the entrance to the sacred lands, and stood there taking in the sunset and the fresh air. He had to admit, it did feel good being out here, away from all the enclosed steel and metal that kept him like a large cage, even if he was there by his own volition. The colors in the sky were beautiful, seeing the peach that caressed the baby blue, as white clouds blurred into them, soon to be swallowed by the dark blanket of stars that were rising to greet the setting sun. 

He turned and took in just how far up he had traveled, knowing that it was because he was enhanced that allowed him this far in such a short time. He was at the top of the highest hill, Nashen, or the gate way, and the view did feel like he was peering into heaven. The mountains looked strong and inviting, as the valley was rich and lush, and even the winds were warm and welcoming. He could see why this place could be considered sacred. He decided to make camp, and put his pack down and started pulling out his sleeping bag, for a tent wouldn’t be needed, not in such good weather, when his flashlight rolled out, and he moved to grab it, not taking into account just how close he had been to the edge…

 

********

His head hurt. In fact his whole body hurt as he started to realize as he moved, and then even before he opened his eyes he remembered, he was falling…but he sure didn’t feel dead? He opened his eyes and blinked a few times to adjust to the fire light that was providing him warmth and allowed him to see he was in a cavern, in his sleeping bag. He slowly sat up, and though he ached, he was not hurt, just dirty. 

He looked around, someone had to have made the fire and placed him here, where ever here was, but besides his belongings, there was no sign of anyone. He noticed a bowl of water next to him and took it, smelled it, then tasted it, it was fresh, and he drank it, for his body demanded it. 

“You should take it easy,” a strong voice echoed, and Julian stopped drinking and looked about. 

From the deeper part of the cavern a figure walked forward, dressed in a clean, white Vedek robe and hood, trimmed in silver and gold. “You should sip the water, and there is plenty of it, so you can have your fill,” the male voice added. 

Julian looked at the medium build of the Vedek, and felt his mind tingle at the sound of the man’s voice, for it sounded familiar, but he couldn’t place it. “How did I get here?” he asked, after a tiny coughing spasm from drinking to fast. 

The Vedek moved near him and placed a soothing hand on his back to ease the spasm. “You fell; I found you and brought you here.”

“Thank you,” Julian said, taking another sip, slowly this time. “But where is here?” 

“You are in a cave high in the Natallie Mountains, where I have brought you to teach you all you will need to know for the journey a head of you.” 

Julia looked wide eyed at the Vedek, “Journey? Teach? I’m no Vedek, I’m not even Bajoran.” 

“I’m not here to teach you to be a Vedek or to become Bajoran, and race is not the issue. You are here because you answered the call of the Prophets, and the journey will be one of your choosing, not something forced on you. I…I am here to help you prepare, that is all.” 

Julian gave a nervous laugh, “Ah, no disrespect, but I didn’t come here because someone called me. I’m on leave and have to be getting back soon.” 

“Time is irrelevant, Julian.” 

“How, how did you know my name? Who are you?” Julian placed down the bowl of water and stared with determination at the strange man and watched as the large white hood was removed and paled at the sight. “It can’t be…you’re…you’re…”

“Dead?” Antos Bareil answered for Julian, and gave a warm understanding smile. “Yes, I suppose I am. But for the record, you are not, though I would think by now Julian you of all people would realize that death is just a doorway to another plane of existence.” 

“Why would you think that?” 

Bareil looked long at Julian and then shook his head sadly, “life has been cruel to you since my departure, though I am glad that not all the spark that makes you unique is gone, and perhaps that is why I have been sent, to help you remember the spark of life that is within you, that helped you touch so many in such a wonderful way.” 

“I either am dead or I hit my head a lot harder than I thought,” Julian said to himself as he eased himself up, feeling achy. 

“If that is what you need to believe at the moment, so be it, but I assure you, Julian, I am very real, and I’m here to help you.”

“Oh and just how are you…a ghost, figment of my imagination, whatever you are; help me? Hmm? Can you bring back all the dead? Or make things return to what they where before all this hell happened? Do you even have a bloody clue what’s been going on since you…died!” he shouted, his anger suddenly pouring out of him. 

Bareil took the anger without resentment, his own eyes softening to the pain in the young man before him. “Yes, yes I am aware of what has been happening, Julian. I’ll tell you a little secret,” he said, changing the subject, and gave a tiny smile that filled his eyes. “We have many choices at the time of death; one of them is to watch over someone…” 

“Like a guardian angle?” Bashir interjected sarcastically. 

“Ah, something like that.”

“Then why are you here? I mean, shouldn’t you be ‘watching’ over Kira?” 

“Julian, I know this may surprise you, but I chose you. As you looked over me at my time I saw that I could look after you and be there to help if I could. I have been given that opportunity, and so, here I stand, in the flesh as it were,” he laughed warmly. 

“You chose me, over Kira, your lover?” the disbelief strong in his eyes. 

“Why do you find that so hard to believe? Besides, Kira has her father and mother and many others looking after her, no I wanted to be there for the young idealistic man that hurt his own soul to help me fulfill a dream. Yes, Julian, I know what it cost you personally to help me continue to live so the treaty would be a success.” 

“It wasn’t necessary for you to die!” he snapped, again anger pouring out from him. “Wynn could have handled the damn conference herself. She was just being a damn…”

“Stop it!” Bareil shouted, anger showing for the first time. “Whether or not she could or couldn’t it was ‘my’ decision, and mine alone. I pushed you into accepting ‘my’ choice, and what is done is done.” His anger subsided as he moved and placed a caring hand on Julia’s shoulders, “It is time to let go of the past, Julian. Time to put things into perspective and let your soul heal and I promise you, it ‘will’ be worth it.” 

Perhaps it was the proximity of the other man, or the fact that he was being confronted by one of his old regrets, or just the warmth of another body, but Julian felt his emotions bubble over and he could no longer contain them, nor did he want too. He fell into Bareil’s embrace and cried, releasing so much pain that he had kept within for so long, never sharing with anyone; fearing that no one would want to. The strong warm arms held him tightly and accompanied him to the ground where the two men sat, one comforting, the other healing. 

************

Julian awoke, feeling much better, physically and emotionally as he sat up and looked around. At first he started think it all a dream, but there sitting by the fire was Vedek Antos Bareil and by the look in the other man’s eyes, he seemed very real. Then he looked and saw it was still dark out, “How long have I been asleep?”

“Not long, feel better?” 

“Ah, yes…thank you.” Julian suddenly felt embarrassed for crying like a baby in the other mans arms. 

“First lesson, crying cleanses the spirit so the soul can heal,” Bareil said softly as he stood up and brought the younger man a bowl of hot food. “Eat, for man does not live on spirituality alone,” he joked. 

Julian laughed, and felt a warm feeling inside, long since missing, and it felt good, as he thanked Bareil for the food. He tasted it and it was great, another sign that this was either real or a very good delusion, for he couldn’t cook worth a darn. “Just exactly what am I suppose to learn?” he asked as he dug into his meal with enthusiasm. 

“Acceptance, limitations, and that, certain things occur for a reason, even if we don’t always know why or ever will. You take too much personally, Julian, and its crippling your soul.”

“I’m a doctor…”

“You are mortal, and with all the skill in the universe you still could not stop death from claiming its prize. Even if you had a gift beyond most mortals as a doctor, could you accept that even then death would win? In truth would you really want death to lose?” 

“Why wouldn’t I?” 

“I don’t know why wouldn’t you?”

“What purpose does death serve? It only causes pain, anguish, hate; nothing good can come from it.” 

“For someone who professes to value life, I never though you could be so cruel,” Bareil said in a soft and disappointed tone. 

“Cruel? How can you say that?”

“No, how can you say it is not? If death did not claim me, what kind of existence would I have lived? You yourself said that I would have been nothing but an android in a flesh shell; is that the kind of existence you would have me live?” 

“No, but…”

“But what? The truth is, Julian, it is not death you want to stop, it’s all the pain and suffering in the universe, and no one, not even the Prophets can stop it all. It exists, for without it, how could we know what is good? You want a burden to carry, Julian, then you shall have it, but take only that which you can have some control over. Open your eyes and see,” Bareil pleaded as he moved from his place at the fire and knelt down next to the younger man. “Open your mind and let in new possibilities, as well as your heart and soul. Julian, there is more under heaven and earth than one can imagine. You yourself have bore witnessed to this, stop denying it all, and accept.” 

Julian tried to push himself up to get away from this man, but he was held in his place by strong hands, then his own hand taken into another’s, “Does this feel phony, Julian?” he asked as he squeezed the younger man’s hand. 

Julian looked at the handsome Bajoran man, recalling how he looked so much like he did just before he got ill, and even the strangely soft skin of a man who worked hard labor most of his life rang true to the touch. “Yes,” he finally said, his eyes looking deep into old familiar ones, which had haunted him years ago. 

“I know you better than anyone ever could, for I have watched you go through all your pains and stood by and rejoiced in your victories. You have made a difference Julian Bashir, and don’t think for one moment that you have not. Hundred of thousands of hearts still beat because of you, and many blessings will come from them, even with all the darkness that still lingers.” 

Julian felt his eyes start to water, he couldn’t remember crying so much in his life, and as a tear fell down his cheek he felt a soft touch wipe it away. “How can a…a…”

“You are no freak, Julian. All things have a reason, even your enhancements. Have you not said to yourself, thank goodness I’m not normal or I’d be dead? Well, you would have been, and where would those thousands of people be…suffering.” The strong hand continued to caress his cheek, “Don’t you see just how special you are?” Bareil asked, his eyes searching out the dark eyes looking up at him, opening up for him. Feeling drawn, he leaned down and let his lips caress the soft sensuous mouth below him, letting all that was inside his own soul filter through in the kiss. 

Though Ezri had filled a portion of his life, even her embrace or kiss didn’t fill him the way this simple touch did. He felt loved, wanted, special all from one touch, and he wanted more. He parted his lips and let the kiss deepen, letting the warm tongue explore his mouth, as strong hands embraced him, pulling him tightly to a strong chest, and a moan escaped his throat, giving his approval for more. 

He felt himself being laid on his back and Bareil’s strong body lying on top of him, and he wrapped his arms and legs around the warmth, wanting as much contact as he could get, letting the wonderful sensation flow through him. Every touch felt like fire and ice on his skin and burned deep into his soul, sparking embers he long thought dead. 

The need for more overwhelmed him, and he pulled on the robe, exposing warm flushed pale skin, and arched his body into it, as his own clothes were being removed. Soon flesh touched flesh and passions burned hot and heavy, higher than ever before in his life, and Julian wanted even more. “Love me,” he cried out in passion. 

Antos Bareil stopped his assault to the golden neck long enough to look deep into the eyes that were burning brightly up at him, “I never knew until this moment how much I want to do just that. I want you Julian Bashir, and I’m not going to every let you go,” he said, then captured the kiss swollen lips for another deep passionate kiss. 

Julian didn’t know how Bareil was able to enter him so easily without preparation, but at the moment he didn’t care, for it felt so right to be filled by this man. He wanted nothing more than to belong to him, to be loved and fulfilled by him. 

“Be mine, Julian, and I swear I’ll never leave you,” Bareil whispered as sweat dripped down his face and smooth chest as he looked down at the beautiful flushed face beneath him. 

“Yes, Antos, I’ll be yours…just love me…love me!” 

“Oh, Julian if you only knew how much I love you.”

“Show me, take me harder!” 

Bareil used his body and showed Julian just how much he was desired and loved, pouring everything he had into the coupling, that when both men exploded, they both found sated bliss in the darkness. Later they would awake, find the hot spring at the back of the cavern, bath, and make love again, talk some more, and love some more, until Julian slept sound in his lover’s arms, with a sense of real peace for the first time ever. 

**********

When Julian awoke the first thing he thought of was how good the food smelled. Then as he sat up he saw his lover, real or ghost, at this moment he didn’t care, preparing breakfast. “Morning,” he said, wiping the sleep from his eyes. 

“Morning,” Bareil replied, his face all a glow. “Did you sleep well?” 

“Better than I have in years,” Julian smiled, than chuckled, a bit of boyishness filling him as he took in how gorgeous his lover was. 

“My lover is blushing, I must have done something right,” the older man laughed as he brought Julian breakfast and placed a loving kiss on his lips. 

Julian looked dreamily up at his lover, “oh, I’d say you did a lot right.” 

The two men stared at each other, letting their eyes say all their soul wanted that their words could not express. Then Antos broke the gaze first, “eat, and join me for a walk,” he said, and moved to get Julian some fresh clothes. 

Julian did as he was bid, and ate, and then got dressed and joined Antos by the front of the cave. The sun shined brightly, and Julian took a moment to adjust his eyes, and then looked at the beautiful valley below. “Strange, it looks a bit browner than it did yesterday.” 

“Things change, Julian. It’s a part of life,” Antos said, as he took hold of the younger man’s hand, and walked along the wide path from the cavern to an open clearing along side the mountain. Flying high was two colorful birds; singing for joy, then suddenly they both fell to the grown at Julian’s feet, still and unmoving.

With out hesitation Julian let go of Antos’ hand and knelt down and reached for the birds, and as his fingers touched the soft feathers, he felt a tingling in his fingers, and saw a tiny glow at his tips, and then both birds shook then startled back into being and flew away, very much alive. “How…how did I do that?” 

“You have been given a gift, but one you may want to return.” 

Julian looked at his lover with amazement. “Are you saying I…I healed them, with just a touch?” 

“Yes,” was the simple yet soft reply. “But do not think that anything is that easy,” Antos added and then pointed to his far left. At the edge of the open clearing a predator had just took hold of its prey when a group of rocks fell on them both. Bareil watched as Julian moved to see if he could be of help. He watched the young man touch both animals, and the mix of emotions that crossed his face when only the predator came back to life, taking his meal with him in a hurry to leave the strange creature that saved it. Bareil moved silently up behind Julian, waiting for the question he knew would be coming. 

“Why? Why only the one?” 

Though the voice was only a whisper, the anguish was still present. “Because, it is the will of the prophets, and life and death must continue. The hunter still has a purpose to fulfill, the prey has filled his. But it could just have been a Cardassian overseer and a Bajoran child, you can not save everyone, Julian; you never could and you never will.”

“Then why? Why give me this…this gift if I can’t use it…”

“When every ‘you’ want? Tell me, what are the consequences of your actions here today?” 

Julian looked puzzled, “What do you mean? I, save the lives of two birds and one…what ever that was.” 

“What if I told you that by saving the Corlex, the beast, you have set things into motion that will benefit a nearby village, and by saving the two birds you have lead an old woman to having a bad fall and a broken hip, though in the long run she will be alright.” 

“How…how do you know that to be true?” Julian snapped in defense. 

“I don’t but they do,” he pointed upward. “Julian, parents let their children learn from their mistakes, but they do interfere when they see the bigger picture, yes?”

“Yes, I guess so. Are you telling me, the Prophets determine who lives and dies?” 

“Not quite that simple an explanation I’m afraid. But let’s just say they know more of the bigger picture than we do and you have been chosen to help it along, if you want. But, it means accepting that you can not save everyone. That at times those who you would want to live will die as those you may wish die live, much like it has been before. The only difference is that you will know there is a purpose, though not what it is.” 

“Your saying I can do no more than I have already done or can do? Then why give me this…this gift if I can do no more than I could as a regular doctor?”

“As a doctor you could only heal bodies, this way you can heal souls. I said once that if you are going to take on a burden, you would be given one. Well, here it is. This war is far from over, and many, not just here on Bajor are suffering from it, but not just on a physical level. You can take their pain away, by making it your own. But to do so, you must remove the old and make room for the new, each time you want to help another. If you can not do this, than you will not be able to help anyone, including yourself.” 

“How can my touching someone heal someone’s soul?” 

“How did my touching you heal you?” 

“That was different.”

“Perhaps, but the depths of your gift are still unknown to you, Julian. As are the burdens it will bring. I vowed to be with you and I will, but only you will see or hear me, for to the rest of this world I am dead.” 

Julian looked astonished and amazed, for he took the vows in is heart for real, but his mind was still a cynic. “You’re staying?” 

Antos smiled lovingly and caressed the soft golden cheek, “I’m staying by your side, even closer. I will be with you every step of the way in your journey my dearest,” he said, gently caressing Julian’s left ear, a sign of love between Bajorans. 

“Antos, I…” he had no words, and so he hugged the man before him, this time when they touched he felt another wave of energy pass through him, and he could feel the love this man had for him, and how very real it was. “Thank you,” was all he could muster. 

“Come, there is much we still need to discuss in the realm of limitations. One of them being you will not be allowed to do anything that will place your own life in jeopardy. I know you would do so willingly, but you must understand, you too have a purpose to fulfill. Come, we have much to discuss before you leave tomorrow,” he said, taking the beautiful young man in tow and walked back to the cavern to discuss all he could teach about Julian’s knew gift and burden. 

***********

“What do you mean, they can’t find him?” Dax shouted at Kira over the com channel. “Damn it, Neryes, it’s been six months! Why won’t they let us send in a proper search party?” 

“Ez, I told you, that area is considered sacred…”

“Not that sacred, they allowed him to go there,” she snapped her frustration and grief full-blown. 

“I told you, the Vedek that saw him said…”

“That it was the will of the Prophets, yes, so he said. Look, I’m going to be there in an hour and ‘we’ are going to Bajor, and so help me, we either bring back him or his body, for I’m not leaving without one or the other!” 

“Fine, but if they won’t let me up there to search, I doubt they’ll let you.”

“You just meet me there, Dax out!” 

Kira sighed, had she known that a three day leave would lead to this mysterious…tragedy? She would never have let him go. //Julian, if your not dead, where the hell are you?// she thought for the millionth time as she moved from her office chair, to head to Bajor. 

She spent the time it took her to get to Bajor and to the monastery at the foot of the Natallie Mountains and met up with Ezri Dax, to ponder as to what possessed Julian to come here of all places. She was aware that Jabara had told Julian about the soul trek, but she had never thought he would go to such lengths as to travel to the Natallies to seek his answers. Kira had told the woman that Julian was responsible for his own choices, though from time to time she too felt the guilt of having let the younger man down somehow. 

She met Ezri and together they walked up the long pathway, for no vehicles were allowed, to the monastery, and was greeted by one of the Vedeks. “Welcome,” he said warmly. 

“I’m Colonel Kira, this is Lieutenant Commander Dax, and we’re here to request…”

“Try demand,” Dax interjected, ignoring the glare from Neryes. “You let Julian go up there alone and won’t look for him. But it’s been six months, so, either you do something or I will!” 

“Has it really been that long?” a familiar accented voice asked from behind the two women. 

Kira and Ezri turned their eyes wide as they looked upon the one who spoke. The man before them was dressed in a white Vedek’s robe, trimmed in gold and silver, not the traditional reddish orange. His hair was long, touching his shoulders, and the goatee made him look more mature, as his dark eyes glowed with life. On his left ear was a traditional earring, and it looked a bit familiar to Kira, but she let that inkling slip to the back of her mind. “Julian?” Both women said in unison. 

“He arrived late last night, said you both would be here looking for him this morning,” the Vedek replied, his spiritual joy flowing from his words as well as his soul. “The arrival of the Amaket came as quite a surprise to us all.” 

“The Amaket?” Kira asked, her eyes now narrow with suspicion as she turned to look at the Vedek as if he was crazy. “That’s not possible, he’s…” 

“Human,” Julian finished for her, though he had taken no offense to the discussion. “I’m a bit surprised at that part myself, but who am I to pass judgment on the will of the Prophets,” he smiled lovingly and with ease and joy. 

Ezri looked at Julian as if she was seeing him for the first time, and in a way she was. Gone was the dark pained soul that reached out for her to nurture and comfort. This man didn’t need her, and the higher part of her spirit was happy, but the rest of her was angry for losing the man that needed her that she needed to need her. “Julian, what…what happened?” 

“I went on the AzThanla, and though I started out lost, I found myself, and my way. Though, I have to say, I didn’t know I was gone that long,” he laughed easily, much like the young man that Kira had met so many years ago. 

“How could you be gone for six months and not know it?” Kira snapped. 

“Time was…irrelevant,” he smiled, his charm flowing easily, taking some of the harshness from the mood that surrounded the two women, whether they knew he was doing it or not. “Vedek Kallen, has been gracious to contact Starfleet for me, and have informed them of my…circumstances. I’m sure all the paperwork that red tape brings will be waiting for us when we get back to DS9.” 

“What makes you think you’re going back to the station?” Kira asked as she folded her arms, still upset with all this, though her temper was eased. 

“Because it is where I’m suppose to be,” Julian laughed with a gentleness not seen in him in years. He moved passed Kira and gently touched her cheek, “You know that, as well as I do.” Then he turned to Ezri, “I’m sorry for how I behaved before, I hope you can forgive me,” he asked as he hugged the Trill woman. When he released her, he turned to the Vedek, “thank you so much for your hospitality, I look forward to your visit to the station someday soon.”

“You can count on it, Ameket,” the older man said with reverence. 

“Julian, if you please.” Then he turned to the two women that no longer seemed angry at him, just puzzled. “After you,” he gestured, and then followed the two women down the path that led to their transport, that would take him on his journey home.

 

***************

Julian was back for only a day when word of the Ameket (chosen healer of the Prophets) spread like wild fire and the station was bombarded by those who wanted to believe and those who had to see to believe. Even Kira had been amazed at what she saw the young healer do with a simple touch, though he never encouraged anyone to call him anything but by his name, and he still managed to perform his duty as CMO, to her further amazement. 

Of course the only reason he was still CMO, was not only because she wouldn’t give him up for dead, but the Bajoran government would accept no other, so in this case the Federations’ hands were tied. She watched him from the shadows sometimes, listening to him speak, sounding more like a Vedek, with a compassion that was all his, she thought long gone since the war. He wore the earring constantly, and no one dared question it, though its familiarity continued to nag at her, she could not place it. 

After a week, Julian had managed to put order to the flow of chaos, telling people that if he is meant to help them, then their paths would cross, and forcing the Prophets hand would not change any outcome that was meant to be. She saw that he truly believed his words, and had finally accepted that he could not defeat the universe, but only care for his share of it. This in itself was good to see, and so Kira finally accepted the change, though not the claim that he was the Amaket, even if he did fulfill every role the scriptures said the Chosen healer would; her own beliefs challenged simply because he was human, and she was not alone. 

Many believed that only the Bajoran’s were the children of the Prophets, no one else, but Julian would reply, “Children are children, and are loved by their parents who look at them with the eyes of love. If you see me as human, then perhaps you should simply close your eyes to the universe for you don’t see anything anyways. Blindness comes in many forms, as does sight,” and with that he gave a kind smile and went about his business, winning over the hearts and minds of all he touched. 

//Perhaps,// was as far as Kira was willing to give in this matter, and she too went about her business. 

**************

Julian entered his quarters after a long day, locking the door, and removing his uniform, feeling tired, but a good tired, it had been another good day. He moved into the bathroom and stepped into the warm water of the shower and only jumped a little when strong soft hands started rubbing his shoulders. “You know, I don’t think I’ll ever get use to that,” he said to his lover that suddenly appeared behind him, just as naked as he was. 

“Perhaps, but I know I’ll never get enough of being with you,” Antos purred as he kissed his lover’s neck and wrapped his hands around his smooth golden chest. 

“Still the sweet talker, are we?” Julian replied, along with a tiny moan of pleasure. 

“I can do more than talk, and you know it.” 

“Do I?” Julian said, arching his brow as he looked over his shoulder at Bareil. “Perhaps you need to show me?” 

Antos laughed, and then proceeded to make love to the beautiful young man in his arms. When the first wave of fire was subsided in the shower, he carried his love to the bed and fulfilled the second and third wave, until his sated lover slept deeply in his arms. He let his fingers trace the soft lips, and golden cheeks, taking in the beauty he held. “So beautiful,” he whispered lovingly. Then he looked up then tucked his love securely under the covers as he moved from the bed, and took up Julian’s robe and placed it on and moved to the far corner of the room, where the shadows were strongest. 

“You are playing with fire,” a gravely voice said from the shadows. “He is not here to fulfill your desires, but to lead the sheep to the slaughter.” 

“Are you sure he…”

“You question? You who are one of us, who have been denied our home by those who cater to these…animals! You were sent to find one who could fill the role of Ameket, and you chose him…there can be no turning back. What is done is done.”

The man that looked like Bareil nodded his head in submission, “Yes, what is done is done.” 

“We tolerate your indulgence, but forget you not what you are…Pa Wraith. We may be trapped in our hell, but you survived out side of us, and you will use him to bring the sheep to open the gate and set us free once again, for if you do not, we will pull you back, and send another in your place. The mortal is irrelevant, remember this!” 

“I do,” Antos said, his eyes glowing dark red, like the ones that appeared for a moment in the shadows, then faded. Then he turned toward the sleeping human on the bed, after knowing the others were gone, “I remember you think he is irrelevant, but he isn’t to me,” a look of love filled the Bajoran face as sadness filled his eyes as he walked and sat down gently next to his lover. //Lover? When I touched his mind I was to become all he needed to be molded into the role we needed to mislead the others, but how was I to know that he would become all I needed to evolve? My sweet human treasure, what you have done to me?// The form of Antos Bareil shimmered into a dark shadow and faded away but never far from his chosen.


	2. A Shadow of Doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’s now apart of an age old fight but the lines of war are no longer as clear as they should be.

          The sound of screams of pain echoed through his mind, as he sat huddled in a dark corner trying to make himself as tiny as he could, afraid that the monsters would find him and hurt him like they were hurting his mommy. The fear was overwhelming, paralyzing, he couldn’t move from this corner ever or he might die or worse; no he had to stay, the monsters might get him…NO!

 

          Then there was a light, not too bright at first, but it was moving closer and as the darkness moved off, the sounds of pain, left with them, as did the fear. It was slow, but the light started to illuminate the area, and he could see that he was safe, that there were no more monsters around to hurt him. In fact, with the light, he was able to stand up and look around and with each step he felt stronger that even if a monster did dare to return he’d be able to defend himself and remain safe; he was free.

 

          Julian stumbled back from the Bajoran man on the biobed. He was there for a broken arm that happened during a routine repair of the station, but when Julian touched him, the gift demanded he do more, and he accepted his role, taking the place of the boy in the shadows, then brining the light to set him free, but these things took their toll on him, as he leaned against his head Nurse Jabara, “Sorry,” he said softly, smiling weakly.

 

          She knew Julian never planned these things, they just happened, and they usually left him tired and exhausted, but nothing a bit of rest couldn’t cure, so far. She made it a point to be near by to look after him, for she felt responsible for his new path. She was unsure if Bashir was the Ameket or not, but he was gifted; in this there could be no doubt. She had seen time and time again how he helped others, not just physically with his gift and or his skill, but mentally, spiritually. Whatever happened to him, he was changed, happy, content with himself for the first time ever, and though it was wonderful to see, she was still concerned. For even if he truly was the Ameket, there were those who would not accept a human in this role, and that could spell danger for the young healer, another reason she stayed close.

 

          She helped Julian to a chair and then moved to help the Bajoran worker to sit up, for they too felt a bit dizzy, if the touch had been more than for physical healing. She saw the awe in the man’s dark eyes as well as the gratitude. “How?” was all he said in a whisper, tears building in his eyes. “I thought I’d never get over…you really are the Ameket.”

 

          Julian looked up at the older man, “I’m just a healer that was able to help you heal an old wound, nothing more,” he smiled sincerely. “Now,” he said as he stood up getting all professional again, “Your arm is fine, just no heavy lifting for twenty-four hours. I’ll have someone inform engineering.” Then he gave another warm smile and moved on to his next patient.

 

          The man on the biobed turned to Jabara, “I had my doubts, but…not anymore,” he said with an awed teary eyed grin, then slipped down from the bed and left, unsure how to celebrate his new founded freedom. Jabara turned to clean up the area.

 

          “Jabara Da’Nessa,” a female voice chimed from behind her.

 

          She turned to see an old Bajoran woman, dressed in rags, but she was too clean to be a pauper, and she held herself with too much dignity. “Yes, can I help you?”

 

          “Perhaps, it is I that can help you,” she said as she moved easily forward, holding something hidden under her torn and tattered grey shawl. When she was near Jabara she pulled out a large book that by its beat up condition was old but still in good condition. “This is for you; I suggest you read the marked text as soon as possible, this thing has a tendency to disappear,” the older woman stated as she handed the book over to a puzzled Jabara.

 

          Slowly she took the ancient looking book, “Who are you? And why are you giving me this?”

 

          “Listen Da’Nessa, who I am, is unimportant, but what this book can do is not. I am limited in what I can do in this matter, but you, you can help keep him safe. Whether or not he is the Ameket, the danger he faces is very real and only those who have the knowledge will be able to help him in his time of need. I have seen…you are the only one I can trust in this matter, but beware of the shadows, for they are not always empty,” the old woman warned, then turned and walked away very quickly for someone of her age.

 

          Jabara looked at the book in her hand for the first time and she recognized the symbol on it, it was the text of the Prophets, long thought lost. When she looked up to question the old woman, she was gone. She moved to the doorway to sickbay, but there was no on in the hall that could even looked close to the old Bajoran woman. Suddenly instincts took over and she hugged the book and took it to her tiny office, since she was head nurse, and commed her second. “I’m taking an early lunch, can you cover for me, and I’ll buy you lunch tomorrow, Sally?”

 

          “Sure, is anything wrong?” the friendly female voice asked over the com.

 

          “No, just have some things I have to…catch up on. Talk with you later.” Feeling the need for security she locked the door and turned up the lights, and then hesitantly she opened the ancient text to the place where she saw a satin gold bookmarker was placed. She was a bit surprised to find the text so easy to read, but then again, if she was to read it, it would make sense…right?

 

_Though the shadows have been banned back into the darkness where they were sent long ago for their crimes of hate against us and our children, they will not be silent. Their final uprising will be in the coming of the Ameket and the Su’meket (the unchosen healer). Both will appear, neither making boasts, but one true and one false. Though few will see or know the difference for their face will seem the same to those who look with out their true eyes._

 

_The shadows will seek to gain followers as well as disbelievers, for in controversy they will grow strong, and if blood is shed on holy ground in the name of the Ameket and the Su’meket, the doors to the hellish void will open and our children will once more be plunged back into the darkness they had longed suffered under by the shadows' will._

 

_A true heart is the key to telling which is the Ameket and which is the Su’meket and the test will come from the shadows themselves, though it will be with wisdom and guidance from the Martek (overseer of the healer) that will help forge the outcome. The Ameket must love and do all in the name of love of our children, or they will be considered false and thus dubbed so._

 

_From the light comes the shadows as from the shadows light emerges. In the days of the Ameket and the Su’meket, our children will be pulled apart, their destiny standing on the threshold between two doorways and only one key. Remember that one can stand in darkness and see the light as one can stand in the light and be blind, only the heart can lead when all else fails._

 

          She then noticed that the rest of the text was suddenly gibberish, //this was all I was meant to read,// she said in an awed, hushed thought to herself, as she closed the book and held it close to her chest. Some of what she read made sense, other parts not so clear, but what was clear was that Julian was in danger and if he was the Ameket, that would make her… She shook her head, the thought overwhelming as was the responsibility. //But you’ve already took the responsibility,// she retorted to her denial. //I took on looking after Julian, not the Ameket, not helping forge the…destiny of our people. And what if he’s not the Ameket, but eh Su’meket? What then? Oh, by the Prophets how did I get into this mess?// But as she held the book she knew how, it was their will, and being who she was, all she could do was pray for the best, and reopened the book and reread the passage again and again until she knew it by heart.

 

******************

 

          It had been another long day as he headed back to his quarters, returning smiles to those who shared them, and ignoring those whose disdain for him was shown in their eyes as they glared at him. He didn’t see why they should be so upset at him, he made no claims, he simply was, someone with a gift, and he was glad to share it as best he could.

 

          Starfleet wanted him to be tested, to see what caused the change in his abilities, but he politely declined, stating, “You don’t place gifts under a microscope, you accept them with the intent they are given,” and as far as he was concerned, the matter was closed. He did his job and lived his life the best he could, and felt rewarded in ways he could not share, not only by helping others, but by the other gift that awaited him when he got home.

 

          He entered his quarters, knowing that Antos would be there soon enough, for the older Bajoran was always there, and Julian loved every moment, he loved Antos. It started off as deep affection and quickly blossomed into the most precious thing he ever felt in his life. Antos was smart, witty, kind, loving, wise, sensuous, and his very presence was compelling enough for Julian to simply be with him, whether they made love or were just there, he felt complete with him.

 

          Julian moved to the bedroom and stripped from his uniform and headed to the shower. He was a tad disappointed that his love didn’t show up like he had a tendency to do; another reason Julian liked taking showers so much, but washed and got dressed in civilian clothes. He stepped from the bedroom to get something to drink and his disappointment at his lover not being there faded when he saw the candlelight dinner that was waiting for him, and a table set for two. On his plate there was a long stem red rose, human symbol of love, and a white Bajoran orchid, their flower of love. Julian looked around, but no Bareil, but there was no doubting that he was around. Julian moved to the table and picked up the two flowers and smelled their scent, which together made a whole new one, and it was strong, yet not overbearing, and very pleasing.

 

          “Do you like?”

 

          Julian turned toward the voice and smiled ear to ear at seeing the man that changed not only his life but his very being. “I like,” he replied, his eyes locking on those of his love, sharing the passion between them. “I like very much.”

 

          “Then perhaps you will like this a bit more,” Antos said seductively as he moved and placed his arms around Julian’s slim waist and leaned in and gave him a deep loving kiss that lingered on the sweet mouth for what seemed like ages before ending. Then their foreheads touched as they both caught their breath, taking in the others essence. “I love you, Doctor Julian Bashir. No matter what happens, I ask that you keep this fact in your heart,” Antos said, as he caressed the young face that captured his heart and soul.

 

          “I know you do, as I love you, but nothing is going to happen,” Julian smiled, too caught up in the joy to notice the seriousness in Bareil’s face.

 

          Antos laughed, “Ah my cynic has become ever the optimist,” and then he hugged Julian tightly. “Even on this side of things, there are no guarantees, love. I may have more insight to things, but like you I have to accept that I can not control everything nor see the future of our actions. All I can do is be, love…” on this word he leaned back and cupped Julian’s face, “Something I can say truthfully I have never done or experienced until meeting you. You have…transformed me, and for that…I will always be grateful.”

 

          Now Julian could see the seriousness and sadness in his love’s eyes. “What’s wrong?” he asked, and then a human emotion not felt in a while crept inside him, fear. “You promised to be by me that you wouldn’t leave…you…you promised.”

 

          “You are right, I did. And I will do all in my power to keep that promise, but if it is out of my hands…” Seeing the hurt start to grow where it had been banished, Antos felt guilty for hurting this young vibrant soul. But he had to lay the groundwork, for his time was limited, he could sense it, and it was because he ‘did’ love Julian…this mortal that touched his dark soul and brought light where it never shined before, that he did what he did now. “Listen, and listen well; I love you, and not all things good come from the Prophets as not all bad things come from…other places. But then sometimes things are just as they appear to be, but one must open their heart and mind to know the difference, for if you close them, allow the hurt and anger to encompass you…you will lose what we have gained. Please, promise me you will try to keep this in mind?”

 

          “You talk like you know you’re leaving?” Julian replied, his eyes moist with emotion.

 

          “There are many ways in which one can leave and in which one can stay. I may simply change my…behavior…and though it may still be me physically, it will not be me. I could go away and we never see one another again, but I would still love you.”

 

          “That doesn’t make sense,” Julian snapped, he didn’t want his love to leave, and for once was willing to fight for it. “I don’t want you to leave. If I have too, I’ll…I’ll go to the temple myself…”

 

          “Fat chance they’d help” Antos slurred before realizing he actually said it out loud. He saw Julian looking at him puzzled and surprised. Time to change subject, “Look, I’m sorry, but I just wanted to…” he could see Julian wasn’t buying his words. “I wanted us to have a romantic dinner…” //Damn it!// he thought, Julian was sometime too smart for his own good.

 

          “Fat chance?” he asked, his dark eyes narrowing. “Antos, what’s going on? And stop trying to change the subject; I’m not letting this go.”

 

          “I’d prefer not to discuss it,” he replied, a bit of defeat in his eyes as he sat down in a chair by the candlelit table. “I’m sorry; I didn’t want it to end like this…”

 

          “End like what? Why does it have to end? Antos, please….?” Julian moved and knelt in front of the older man, “Tell me what is going on here?”

 

          There was a drawn out silence before Antos’ voice broke it in a whisper, “I’m afraid that I’ll lose all of you if I tell you, but I have come to understand that you deserve the truth, which in itself is an oddity for…for my kind.”

 

          The words, ‘my kind’ threw Julian, “what do you mean your kind?” He stood slowly, his dark eyes narrowed, “what are you trying to tell me, that you’re not Antos Bariel’s ghost, but some alien?” Somewhere in the back of Julian’s mind this made much more sense than the real thing being here, and had found he was still willing to accept this being, for the love he felt was real, and that was something he wouldn’t let be tainted.

 

          “Mmm, yes and no,” Bareil replied.

 

          “Okay, now I’m even more confused, how can it be yes and no? I mean, either you are Antos Bareil or you’re not, right?”

 

          “Nothing is ever that simple, Julian. What I was…was alien, until I came into contact with you, and in that contact I found a part of Antos Bariel’s essence that lived strongly in your mind, and when I took that form on, something…something happened that was not suppose to. I…I think I really became him. I see, think, feel, everything differently, and I don’t want to go back to what I was, but…I have failed at my task, because of this change, because it allowed me to love you; they will force me back and replace me with another to succeed where I have failed. But I don’t have to let it happen quietly,” he said as he stood up looking determined. “I can warn you, even if by doing so…  Julian, I…I wasn’t sent by the Prophets.”

 

          Julian took a step back, this was getting very weird, “What do you mean you weren’t sent by the Prophets? You gave me this gift…”

 

          “No, I gave you power, you…you molded it to what it has become Julian. You made it a gift…I was to find the Su’meket, but what I found was…the Ameket.” Antos said in loving awe as he reached out to touch Julian, who took another step back.

 

          “I’m not this Chosen Healer, how could I if you were not sent by the Prophets. With that in mind, who sent you? And what is a Su’meket? Damn it, what is going on?” he demanded, knowing anger for the first time in weeks.

 

          Antos knew the sentence he brought upon himself for speaking his words, especially to a mortal, the intended target. “The Su’meket is the unchosen healer, that is created by the Pa-Wraiths to challenge the Ameket so there would be civil unrest, even civil war and blood to be spilled on holy ground. No matter what Julian, whether you are or are not the Ameket, you must not…” he doubled over in agony.

         

          Julian rushed to Antos’ side, “What’s wrong?” he asked, holding the man he knew he loved, even with these strange secrets. “Antos, talk to me?”

 

          Antos curled his physical body into Julian’s arms, “Jabara can help,” he said as blood trickled from his lips. “Don’t doubt my…love…for yooou,” he said as his physical form started to fade.

 

          “Antos! What’s going on, come back to me, please!” he begged.

 

          “I’m no Prophet, just a shadow touched by your light,” the ghost like essence said, as it faded into darkness and two orange red eyes shined dully than they too faded and the room was empty, accept for the remnants of the dinner that never was.

 

          Julian sat on the floor, stunned, hurt, confused. In the last moment he saw the truth, for he had seen the Pa-Wraiths in their true form, and had felt their presence, and what he saw was one of them, but it didn’t feel like one. All he could do was sit there too stunned to grieve or be angry or hurt. The man he loved, Antos Bareil was really a Pa-Wraith, or had been if his dying words were true. //And what does that make me? A bigger fool? Another puppet? // his mind whirled. All he could do was curl up in a ball and lay there, unmoving, uncaring, wishing to simply no longer be.

 

************

 

          Jabara had been in the small temple on the station after her duty shift was over, and she sat praying for guidance, wondering if she should hand the book over or keep it as it was entrusted to her. She also was unsure what she should do about Julian and how she could help him. But the first part of her problem was taken care of by the fates, for when she put the book down to light a candle in prayer, then turned to retrieve it, the book was gone…that fast. //This thing has a tendency to disappear// the old woman had said, she had been right. So, it left her with only how to help Julian.

 

          “You are the one that works for the sacrilegious pretender,” a male Bajoran accused from behind her.

 

          Jabara stood up giving respect to the Prophets as she believed was the right thing to do then faced the man, and saw the anger in his eyes. “I work for a good man who has a good heart and makes no claim to being anyone other than himself. The Prophets do not recognize us by the ridges on our nose, but the deeds in our heart. I work for a man that the Prophets could easily adorn with such a title and it would be well suited. Now, if you excuse me, I must go,” she stated smoothly and started to exit around the man, but he grabbed her arm, anger in his eyes.

 

          “Let her go,” a firm but tender voice ordered.

 

          Both turned to see an older Vedek in his early fifties standing in the archway to the temple having witnessed the exchange. “Young man, do you think the Prophets would condone your violence toward your sister?”

 

          “She…is not my sister,” the man snapped.

 

          “Sad, for I was sure I looked upon a brother. Very well, unhand ‘my’ sister and leave our home, if you find no family among us.”

 

          It took a moment for the angry man to realize what was being said to him and he let go of Jabara’s arm, “I’m sorry,” he said softly both to the Vedek and her as he turned to leave.

 

          “If you see my brother, let him know that he is always welcomed here,” the Vedek said and was rewarded with a simple nod from the young man before he left. Then he turned to Jabara, “are you all right?”

 

          “I am, thank you very much. I was concerned that he may have decided to become violent and I would have hated to hurt him.”

 

          The older man gave a smile that showed laughter in his dark blue eyes, “Then I am glad for his sake that I arrived when I did. I am Vedek Kallen, and I have come to see young Julian, known to many as the Ameket.”

 

          Jabara gave a nod in respect and took the official greeting warmly as the older man touched her left ear in tradition. "I am Jabara Da’Nessa, head nurse here on DS9. Doctor Bashir is in his quarters, I could take you there if you like?”

 

          “Yes, if you would be so kind, my dear,” the older man said, gesturing for her to lead the way and followed next to her. “Do ‘you’ think he’s the Ameket?” he asked easily.

 

          “I believe he is a good man granted a special gift, and a man that has my loyalties, for I have seen him at his best and his worst, and through out it all, he remains a good man; something that many can not claim, not that Doctor Bashir would claim anything other then he cares, which would be the truth.”

 

          Vedek Kallen seemed pleased as he walked next to her down the many halls and to the lift and through more halls to the door that led to Doctor Bashir’s quarters. Just before she rang the chime, “Many will doubt who he is, not only because of his race. A loyalty and strong passion such as yours will be of great help to him,” he said, then let her ring the chime.

 

          Not sure how to take the compliment but for what it was, she nodded, then rang the chime again, this time reserved. Julian never seemed to go out much anymore after shift, preferring to rest after his long days. “Computer, location of Doctor Bashir?” she asked.

 

          <Doctor Bashir is in his quarters.>

 

          She hit the chime again and waited, but her instincts were telling her something wasn’t right, “Computer emergency medical override authorization Jabara zeta alpha.”

 

          The confirmation came in the form of the door opening as she rushed forward. She took in the romantic setting for two, the rose and the Bajoran orchid and then saw Julian curled in a ball, sobbing softly. “Julian,” she exclaimed as she ran to his side, pulling his lethargic body into her arms, “What happened?” She looked at him with a critical eye, but not seeing any physical harm. “What happened?” she asked again as she held him, trying to sooth the pain she saw and felt in the young healer, but there was no attempts to tell her coming forthwith.

 

          “Is he hurt physically?” the Vedek asked with concern.

 

          “No,” she replied still holding him tightly. “But he is not well.”

 

          “Then we should help him to lie down,” the older Bajoran suggested as he gave the head nurse a hand in helping get Julian to the sofa, where he laid, unmoving accept for the shaking his body made when he cried.

 

          She tried several times to get him to talk to her, but Julian ignored her, and eventually cried himself to sleep. She tucked him in after retrieving a blanket and the tiny bear she was not suppose to know about, but did. Then she took in the scene again. “Obviously someone was here and broke his heart,” she stated as she picked up the two flowers that were twined together with a tiny gold cord. She understood how that felt, having been there herself a few times, but seeing this and how it hurt the young healer angered her on a new level. “He doesn’t deserve this,” she snapped to no one in particular.

 

          “Why do you think that? He is mortal like us and thus susceptible to the pains of the heart as we all are.”

 

          She turned defensively toward the Vedek, “because unlike us, he has given two hundred percent of himself where most people barely give fifty percent, and that’s on a good day. He would sacrifice his life for another without hesitation and only by the hands of fate has he lived this long only to be repaid for his acts of compassion and kindness with pain, hurt and ridicule, from his own people. Even after the war, he may have been cooled by the winds of change, but his compassion for others never wavered, accept…”

 

          “Accept?”

 

          “For himself. Until his soul trek he took all of it upon his shoulders; the war, the death, the suffering. It didn’t matter to him the logic behind it all, only that he couldn’t stop it all, and then he found peace…and he deserved it, so why shouldn’t he have love too? If those who give so much never gain the greatest gift of all, then what’s the point?”

 

          “So you say that people should only give if they are to gain…”

 

          “No, that’s not what I mean, and you know it. But if those who give unselfishly don’t get the most cherished prize, for they are the ones who deserve it most of all, than in a way, the prize itself becomes tainted. I…don’t know how else to put it,” she finally said, dropping the flowers back onto the empty plate.

 

          “Do you think that perhaps the reason one as giving as Julian does not gain the ‘prize’ is not because he doesn’t deserve it, but because he doesn’t fight for it? Those who give so much of themselves tend to let go too easily thinking it would serve others best and take themselves for granted.”

 

          Jabara looked up at the wise older man, “Perhaps.” Then she gave a tired sigh. “Do you have a place to stay, Vedek?”

 

          “Yes, I have made arrangements. I will see myself out, you look after your young charge,” he said warmly and with a nod he left.

 

          She cleaned up the area, leaving the flowers on the table, and grabbed another blanket, wondering why she didn’t get the Vedek to help her move Julian into his bed so at least she could have had the couch. But it was hind sight, and so made herself comfortable in the large chair, for she wanted to be near by should he need her. As she slept, she was not fully aware that she and Julian were not alone, but she was restless none the less. Her uneasiness kept what lurked in the shadows still and at bay, at least for this night.

 

************

 

          “I’ve told you for the thousandth time, I am not the Ameket. Now would you people please leave me alone,” Julian snapped as he stormed by the group of Bajorans that pleaded with him for his help, but not as a doctor, and moved into his office and locked the door. //This is ridiculous,// he growled, so much like his old self…too much like his old self.

 

          He slumped into his chair, his body tense, his eyes hallow, his soul in pain. //You should tell someone that the Pa-Wraiths are at it again,// he thoughts. //Oh yeah, and while your at it, don’t forget to mention that you fell in love with one who looked so much like Antos Bareil that you started to believe it was him.// The thought of his lover brought pain, anguish and anger, as he reached up and removed the earring he was given by his…lover…seducer…trickster?

 

          He took a deep breath tying to compose his emotions, //Could I really be that stupid? Was anything he said real? Was anything I felt…real?// He wanted to talk to someone, but who? Then he recalled Antos’ last words…Jabara could help. The more he though about it, it was strange that a Pa-Wraith would say and do what he did, but yet…they were known for their manipulative ways and lies. //Perhaps that is what I shouldn’t do,// he thought. He was truly confused. But he trusted his head nurse, not only because she was a damn fine nurse but his friend. She stood by him like Miles, and Garak did when others were too shaken by his news of his enhancements, no she was a friend.

 

          “Jabara, could you come to my office, and have someone cover you for a bit?” he asked as he contacted her.

 

          “No problem, on my way,” she said.

 

          It only took her a minute to get to his office and take as seat, after offering the lunch she brought for the two of them, knowing Julian too well. “I figure if I eat, you’ll feel obligated and do the same,’ she smiled lightly as she handed him a plate. “What can I do for you, Doctor?”

 

          “Well, this is more personal than medical,” he said, not sure how to approach this.

 

          “Okay, Julian, are you ready to talk about what happened the other night?”

 

          He gave a crooked grin, “Right to the point as always, Da’Nessa. Yes, I’d like to talk about last night, and some other stuff, but…I’d like your word that it will stay between us, at least for now.”

 

          “Okay, you have it,” she said, meaning it as she sat back and prepared herself for what ever news Julian had to tell her.

 

          “I’m not sure how to begin…”

 

          “The beginning would be nice,” she teased, trying to ease the tension in hopes to give Julian what he needed to open up.

 

          Julian took a deep breath and did just that, he started at the beginning, his soul trek…

 

*************

 

          What was supposedly to be a short conversation had taken on an entire new dimension to their friendship. Jabara had mentioned that they should continue their conversation back at his place, and it had been a good idea, for they talked into the wee hours of the night/morning. She had been surprised to hear Julian’s tale, and in return for his trust she shared her experience in sickbay and about the book.

 

          Now her friend, her boss, and her charge lay sleeping after expelling his fears of being used by the Pa-Wraiths. She sat near by and let the passage flow through her mind. //Why would he, being a Pa-Wraith give me the book? Why would he tell Julian to come to me?// None of it made sense, and the fact that he really loved Julian couldn’t be true…the Wraiths were known for their evil and evil could not love…could they?  //Why did they kill him? Better yet, what did it serve to tell Julian of the plan and stage the dramatic death…if it was staged?//  She couldn’t but feel frustrated knowing the answer was probably right before her, but she just couldn’t see it.

 

          She was about to sleep when through half cracked eye lids she saw it…the red glow of a Pa-Wraith’s eyes. Had Julian not told her about them long ago, plus what she learned from the Vedeks she would have dismissed it as her own imagination. But she felt the chill in her soul knowing that it was real and there, and as much as she feared them for they were powerful, she was filled with a protective strength, and with speed that surprised even herself she dashed from the chair sighting the ancient prayer to banish them. With a tiny eerie cry the Wraith vanished and she knew it was not permanently gone, just for the one night.

 

          //Why would they still come after him if he was the Su’meket? But how can he be the Ameket if they gave him his power?//  She knew sleep wasn’t going to come this night and moved out to the living room and got herself a cup of coffee and turned to see a vase with the two flowers she saw from the other night. She reached out and caressed the pedals of the rose then the orchid. //Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he did love Julian and that’s why he tried to save him by brining me the book…// It was then she realized that she believed that it was the Wraith that brought her the book, and how the old woman knew that the book would vanish quickly, for the Wraiths would take it back, but yet she had read the passage, and so it must have contained a way to help Julian. It was the only thing that made any sense. If Julian was simply being used as the Su’meket they only had to keep the ploy going, things were falling into place way too nicely to jeopardize the plan by letting the victim know he was being used. //Ah that would only make sense if the Prophets chose Julian, but that is not what happened.// she sighed, it was going to be a long night.

 

*************

         

          “I know you’re here,” he said softly. “I know she couldn’t banish you completely for I’ve been touched by your kind and thus draw you back easily,” Julian added in the darkness, having heard Jabara’s actions. “I wish to talk with you.”

 

          “What,” hissed a dark voice from the shadows, though it did sound very distant.

 

          “Is he dead? And do not lie, for I will ask for proof one way or another, and you know I’ll know the truth.”

 

          “Not yet,” the voice hissed.

 

          “Then I’ll make this simple. You give him back to me alive and well, and you leave us alone and he remains unharmed, and I’ll give you what you want…your freedom.”

 

          The dark voice hissed in laughter, “You would willingly give yourself to us…”

 

          “No, only to him, not you! You want freedom, I want him, chose, and chose now for this is a one time offer.”

 

          There was silence for a long time, “Yesss, we want to be free. You may have the worthless one back in return you will be bound to us through him. Fail us, and you both will suffer unspeakable horrors. Once we are free, we care not what you two do. But we demand proof of your loyalty to your bargain. Go to the Fire caves and spill your blood upon the ruins that seal us in our tomb, and vow you self to us, in return he will be immediacy released and the bargain on both sides sealed.”

 

          “Agreed, but know this. You break your part of the bargain, I am free of mine, understood?”

 

          “Understood.”

 

          Julian got up and dressed shaking with nerves, for it’s not every day that one makes a pack with the devil.


	3. Blind Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now Julian has taken sides in the name of love, but at what cost? Can he really have become this selfish?

It wasn’t easy for Julian to get to Bajor. After he got dressed he was surprised to see Jabara in his quarters but still up. He told her he couldn’t sleep anymore and would join her for something to drink. He felt guilty for reprogramming the replicator in order to slip the medication in her drink, but he couldn’t postpone this or he might lose his nerve. No one had made him feel this good, and for once he wanted to think about himself instead of the universe. 

When he was sure Jabara was out and safe and sound on his couch, he slipped out but not before sending a message that he was taking a day off and so was Jabara, since he knew she’d be out for most of that time. Then he headed for the docking bay and jumped on the first flight heading to Bajor, and was most fortunate that it was with some of Kassidy Yates' comrades so he didn’t have to pay for the trip. 

It took him several hours to get where he needed to be, then another hour climbing around in the dark to the area that led to the pathway down to the forbidden Fire Caves. The path had been blocked off by large boulders to prevent anyone from accidentally going down this old worn path, but Julian was determined and so once again found being enhanced useful as he scaled the large stones and made his way to the other side in record time and then got to the area he knew was the location by the large reddish pile of rocks that had dried blood over them. This was an altar of sorts to those the Wraiths had lulled into following them. No one had felt courageous enough to destroy this, and so they simply closed off the area. 

The sun was starting to rise on this section of the planet, but the way the rock cliffs were laid out above the altar would remain entirely in the shadows, as was fitting to those it was dedicated too. He had a tiny pack with him with a regenerator and a medical kit, food water, and a cloak, but he had moved so fast that he never got cold in his travel to this place. He now knelt down before the alter and shivered, a part of him screaming that he had no right to make this decision, that hundreds and thousands of people would suffer if he did this, but the part of him that was lonely and loved Antos growled back at the nagging voice... saying what about me, why do I have to give up everything all the time? I love him and he loves me! Let the damn Prophets handle it!

It took a few more moments to gather himself then he pulled out a tiny dagger he had gotten from Garak a long time ago, to keep in his boot. Knowing Garak as he did now, the gesture was very touching. His hand shook as he brought the blade to his wrist that he held over the stone alter. He took a deep breath, “I bound myself to the one I love and vow to keep my word as it is kept to me,” he said than cut his wrist and held it still as the blood from the wound seeped down his skin and then fell ever so slowly to the stained rocks below. The moment it hit, the area filled with sounds of shrieks and moans, that would turn a normal man white with fear, but Julian knew that it was the wraiths rejoicing in their victory, at lest this part of it anyway. 

He placed the dagger back in his bag and was pulling out the medical kit when a form started to materialize near him, and he gasped, for it was Antos Bareil, or the form the one he loved took, but it was bruised, pale, and hurt. “I said unharmed!” he shouted in anger. 

“No,” hissed a voice from the shadows. “You said to return him to you alive and well, then to leave you and him alone and that he was to remain unharmed. We stopped our punishment of him once the bargain was made. Now take the unworthy one back to the station in the stars and simply continue to do what you were doing before you stopped. We will contact you when we want something further.” Then the voice faded and Julian could feel that they were no loner around him, and shivered when he realized he could suddenly tell when they were and were not around him. 

He moved to Antos’ side, “Love?” he asked tenderly running the medical scanner over him, and gave a moronic laugh, for it was futile, Antos didn’t register, for he was not truly flesh and blood, even if it felt that way to him. He reached out and caressed his love’s face, “Love?” he asked again, this time to be rewarded with the eyes he adore blinking up at him, trying to grasp what was happening. “It’s okay, you’re with me now,” he said softly as he cradled his love into his arms. 

“How?” was the first word Antos could form. 

“It doesn’t matter how, at least not right now. I need to know how to heal you? You’re hurt, and regular medical treatment doesn’t work…” then Julian felt it in his heart, he closed his eyes and willed his love into Antos and though weak when he reopened his eyes, he could see that his love was looking much better. 

Seeing Julian again was the last thing he expected, and feeling the love flow from his human lover into him via the gift was amazing and it lit up what he could now call his soul. He sat up and held Julian for the healing took a lot out of his love. He then looked around and saw where they were and he shivered, and a part of him became angry. “What did you do?” he asked, trying to keep the anger from his voice. 

“I got you back, that’s all that matters,” Julian replied with a yawn, the healing of his love took more out of him than any of the others did, and in the next second he was fast a sleep. 

Antos looked down at the precious soul that changed him and for the first time in his existence felt a real tear fall down his face, “Yes, it does matter,” he replied to the sleeping form in his arms. “It matters a great deal.” Then he closed his eyes and pulled all that Julian had brought with him in his lap and willed them to the station. Once in Julian’s bedroom, he laid the young healer in his own bed and tucked him in. 

He was pacing the room when the sound of snoring, not that of Julian caught his attention, and he moved to check it out and saw Jabara sound a sleep on the couch. He only had to lay a hand on the female to know that Julian had drugged her so he could enter into some dreadful bargain to retrieve him. He didn’t know what the bargain was, but he knew those of his kind well, and he was coming to know Julian too. //Love can be foolish and blind, // he thought to himself //Just what am I to do? If I let him do whatever he has agreed to, I am sure it will destroy him, and I will lose him forever. But if I stop him, they will punish him through me, and I will lose him. Hmm, seems I’m going to lose him no matter what.// Antos looked back into the bedroom, and what was now considered his heart ached for the young man in that room, and he knew that he couldn’t let that precious soul be destroyed, he just didn’t know how to stop this cascading wall of dominos from falling further. The very fact that Julian entered into a pack with the Wraiths had tainted him, //and it’s all my fault. // 

He moved to the view of the stars, and looked deep hoping that they would hold the answers, for he felt lost. He was still Pa-Wraith and had his own limited powers, but he was being watched, as was Julian, and they could easily kill the young man or worse. He looked with a bit of anger at the woman on the couch, “you were suppose to protect him,” he growled, but then, how was she to know that the one she needed to watch out for was Julian himself. 

He was heading into the bedroom when he felt the strange feeling and turned to see he was no longer alone in the room, as he saw an older Bajoran male in Vedek’s robes standing by the entrance and looking straight at him. “How did you get in here?” he demanded, being more concerned for Julian’s safety first and foremost. 

“I was sent here,” the older man replied easily. “I know who and what you are, or I should say who and what you use to be,” the older Vedek stated. “I also know that you can not interfere with what is occurring, not because anyone wishes the darkness released but because the choice is not yours to make.” 

“If you know what I am, than shouldn’t you be shaking in your boots old man,” Antos growled, still unsure of this mortal; at least he was sure this was a mortal, but what else this mortal knew was far from clear. “Besides, if you don’t want the reign of terror to reenter this world, then shouldn’t you be doing something to stop it?” his look of disdain was clear, for he couldn’t imagine why they would simply let it happen, it didn’t make sense. 

“I told you, no one wants that, but it isn’t your decision or mine. It’s his,” the Vedek pointed into the dark bedroom. 

Antos looked at his Julian sleeping, a light twitching from a bad dream caught his eye, for Julian had not had nightmares before, and he knew this was the work of the Wraiths. He turned around, angry at the Vedek. “If you know so damn much, than you know that he’s done a stupid thing, even if his heart was in the right place, and I can’t allow him to be destroyed by this!” 

“Yes, what he did was stupid, to a degree, but the key was, he used his heart. So long as he continues to use it, and not let his mind cloud it, then things will work out. However, as far as you are concerned, the question is, why would you want to stop him? You and your kind would be free?”

Antos looked at the Vedek like he was truly stupid, “I thought you said you understood. I love Julian, and would gladly take my place back in the darkness to keep him from harm. Not only will the Pa-Wraiths do him harm, as you can see they have already started,” he gestured to the bedroom where once more Julian twitched from a bad thought as he slept. “But the harm they will cause others will destroy him. He was fragile when I found him, and even if he has healed some what, this will destroy all that makes him precious and unique in this universe. So, the better question is how can you not stop them?” 

The older Vedek took a small step farther in the room, a slight smile on his face, “You are not Antos Bareil, since I knew him well, but you do his memory justice. You should also know that you are no longer Pa-Wraith.”

Antos looked puzzled at the old Bajoran. “I know what I am, and have been for thousands of years.” 

“No, you know what you were for thousands of years. But the moment you learned to love, you stopped being Pa-Wraith. They are incapable of love or self sacrifice, no, you have changed, into what, that I can not say, I’m only an old man,” he smiled warmly. 

“Fine, whatever, but you still can’t stand there and tell me to do nothing.” 

“I didn’t say for you to do nothing, I said that the decision was not yours. This is his path, his choice, you, and his Martek can only guide him…”

“Then he is…” he turned to look at the sleeping young human, “the Ameket? But I thought…” he turned back to the old Vedek. “I’m not sure what I thought anymore,” he said with some defeat in his tone. 

“Though the shadows have been banned back into the darkness where they were sent long ago for their crimes of hate against us and our children, they will not be silent. Their final uprising will be in the coming of the Ameket and the Su’meket (the unchosen healer). Both will appear neither making boasts, but one true and one false. Though few will see or know the difference for their face will seem the same to those who look with out their true eyes. 

The shadows will seek to gain followers as well as disbelievers, for in controversy they will grow strong, and if blood is shed on holy ground in the name of the Ameket and the Su’meket, the doors to the hellish void will open and our children will once more be plunged back into the darkness they had longed suffered under by the shadows will. 

A true heart is the key to telling which is the Ameket and which is the Su’meket and the test will come from the shadows themselves, though it will be with wisdom and guidance from the Martek (overseer of the healer) that will help forge the outcome. The Ameket must love and do all in the name of love of our children, or they will be considered false and thus dubbed so. 

From the light comes the shadows as from the shadows light emerges. In the days of the Ameket and the Su’meket, our children will be pulled apart, their destiny standing on the threshold between two doorways and only ‘one’ key. Remember that one can stand in darkness and see the light as one can stand in the light and be blind, only the heart can lead when all else fails.” 

“I know the passage,” Antos barked. 

“Then you have not seen it’s full meaning if you have not come to understand the situation that you are in,” the Vedek stated easily. 

Antos looked back into the bedroom, the passage flowing through his mind, // their face will seem the same to those who look with out their true eyes… their destiny standing on the threshold between two doorways and only ‘one’ key…// the light went on is Antos’ eyes as the whirled back to see the Vedek had gone. Then he looked at Julian as the new knowledge of the truth filled him.

***************

//Life sucks// was his current thought as he sat huddled in the dark corner of the tiny room that had been his hell for the past five years or so. The only good thing he could think of was that he had been left alone, no more beatings, rapes, or tests on the latest ‘technique’, but the down side was he was left alone, no food. The only reason he was still kicking was he had a leaky pipe and the water he collected in a rusted cup. //It taste like shit, but it’s better than nothing// he thought as he sipped some marginally, wishing to drink more, but it took so long for the water to collect. 

He didn’t want to think about what he did for food, not that anyone could hold it against him, but…he didn’t want to think about it. He was deep underground, and only knew that something happened from the loud noises that occurred two months ago, leading to his being forgotten, but exactly what he didn’t have a clue. 

His body ached and shivered, but his ‘dinner’ was crawling on the other wall and if there was to be a meal, he had to get over there and handle it. //I’m nothing but resourceful, // he chuckled darkly to himself. 

‘’You could be more,” a voice hissed softly. 

“Who’s there?” he shouted, some hope of being remembered brought a mixture of hope and fear to his soul. 

“Salvation,” the voice hissed. 

“Can you get me out of here?” he asked, hope and desperation taking hold of him. 

“Yes, but then you’ll have to do something for us,” the voice replied. 

“Anything!” he shouted. 

“That’s what we thought,” the dark voice replied with a dark smugness. 

*************

Julian woke up not so well rested, but not tired either; then the feel of a warm familiar body snuggling next to him made him forget everything as he opened his eyes to see his love curled up next to him. He shifted and looked lovingly down at the face he adored, then closed his eyes and felt with his heart, that it wasn’t simply the physical form that drew him to this being, but all that vibrated from him. Julian knew he was totally in love, and settled down so his head rested on Antos’ chest. He listened to the rise and fall of his love’s chest, giving a tiny laugh at how real it sounded, knowing it was not. 

Then he shifted slightly so he could place soft gentle kisses on his love’s chest, moving ever so slowly upward, to his neck, then his jaw line, to welcoming lips that kissed him back when they met. Strong arms wrapped around him and pulled him close and Julian felt like he was in heaven and didn’t want this moment to ever end. Then when the kiss ended he looked into the eyes that held the other half of his soul. “I love you,” he whispered, wishing there were words that could describe what he really felt, as love was such an understatement to how he felt. 

Antos felt himself warm inside as the words flowed through him, for now they held meaning to him, and he could value not only their purpose but the one who said them. He gave a little sigh, but due to waking up, nothing more. His smile was true and bright as he looked into the eyes he wanted to see forever looking at him just like they were now. Then in the back of his mind he recalled that what he needed to do. “Then make ‘me’ a promise?” 

Julian being filled with love and joy simply smiled, “What?” 

Antos Bareil looked more serious, “No matter how much you are begged, pushed, or threatened, do not use your gift if your heart isn’t in it, okay?” 

Julian looked puzzled by this request, then some of the light faded from his eyes, “I have to keep doing what I was or they…”

“I don’t care what they said or want. Promise me this, or…or I’ll leave,” he said, regretting he had to push this way, knowing that if he had it his way he would never leave Julian…ever. 

This made Julian sit up and look stunned at the ultimatum. “Why? 

Antos had stayed up late thinking about this, and the one thing he knew was that too much information could be good or bad, depending on the knowledge; in this case it would be bad. “Because if you do what they want, you will destroy the gift, and…they will destroy you. Then how are we to be together?” 

“But if I don’t…”

“They said to continue to do what you were doing? They never said you had to do it no matter what? All ‘I’m’ asking is that you don’t do it unless you feel it in your heart, like you have been, that’s all, okay? Someone might try to push you, possibly even by them, I don’t want you to give in to them…please? You have to understand, and trust me…please?” 

Julian saw the sincerity in the intense eyes of his lover, and knew he couldn’t deny him anything, “I promise,” he replied after a moment, for Julian took his word seriously. 

Antos kissed his love senseless, but a chime of the alarm reminded him that his love had duty. “You owe Jabara an apology and the truth,” he added after the kiss. 

Julian looked guilty, “Yeah, your right. She should be awake by now and probably really angry…”

“Oh, not probably, try definitely!” her voice growled from the doorway. 

Both men looked to see a disgruntled Bajoran woman, her arms folded, and her body yelling the anger she was feeling. Then her eyes looked from Julian to the other man and she went a little pale, “I…” then she looked at Julian puzzled, “What happened?” 

Julian carefully slipped from his bed, then realizing he was still in his cloths from the planet, relaxed a bit. “I think we need to discuss this over coffee and breakfast,” he replied looking from Antos to Jabara. 

“Well, with all due respect…Doctor, I’ll get the drinks.” 

By the look in Julian’s face, he knew by her calling him ‘Doctor’ that he was in deep with his friend. “Of course.” Then he watched her leave slowly going back to the living room, and then he turned to see his lover moving up behind him. “Are you going to be okay?”

“Yes,” Antos replied easily, for he knew it was the truth. So long as they needed Julian, he was perfectly safe, for that was part of the bargain, but when they didn’t…well that was another matter all together. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep busy and out of the way,” he smiled lovingly and then placed a kiss on his love’s cheek, and vanished; for he did have some plans of his own to put into place, knowing that the Wraiths were well invested in their plans. He knew some, but he was sure they had already deviated from those and made new ones. It was time to fight fire with fire, if he was going to keep his love safe, for in the long run, ‘that’ was all that mattered.

*************

Jabara had been upset, but was grateful that Julian was all right, and that he told her the full truth. She was beside herself when she heard about his bargain, but could understand in her heart, for if it was her love, would she really do any less? Perhaps she would have thought differently had she not witnessed the love between the young healer and the one that looked like the former Vedek, but it was there, and she could feel it was real and intensely deep. 

When Julian told her of the promise he made Antos, she was relieved, and totally agreed with the idea. She then in turned told Julian that after some thought she did believe him to be the chosen healer of the Prophets, regardless of where the source of his gift came from. That it was what ‘he’ did with it that mattered in the long run. She was also glad that after a bit of thought that Julian did agree with her whole heartily. Then they headed off to work, having made a cover story to explain their absence for the other day. 

By lunch time, she was famished but was behind in her work, having taken a unscheduled day off, so sat in her office finishing up reports, telling herself, //Just one more, than I’ll eat,// though she had been saying that for the last half hour and six reports later. 

“How about we eat now,” a strangely familiar voice replied from behind her. She turned and was a bit startled to see Antos standing there with a tray of food. She took a breath and listened to her instincts, and was glad she didn’t feel the uneasiness she had other night when the ‘regular’ wraiths were about. She gave a pleasant and professional smile. “Thank you, but I would have thought that you and Julian would be having lunch?”

“He has a meeting, and I thought this would give us a chance to talk. After all, we do have the same goal in mind,” he said warmly as he laid the tray down on the desk. 

“Oh, and what would that be?” she replied, still not fully trusting this…creature. 

“Keeping Julian safe and remaining true to being the Ameket, for I don’t know if you have realized it, but if he uses his gifts with an empty heart, then he’ll no longer be the Ameket, but the Su’meket.” 

“I thought that…”

“They were two different people? I did at first too, but after a great deal of thought, and knowing the…Prophets as I do, it makes sense. One key, two choices, one face, two destinies, and I think the…others have figured it out too, if I have. Unfortunately because of me he has made a foolish bargain, but…” he sat down looking concerned, and then gave a reassuring smile, “the test shall come from the shadows themselves,” he quoted. 

“He told me what he did, but…?”

“Like I said, all they have to do is get him to use his gift with an empty heart and it will increase the doubt that is currently decreasing, since he ‘is’ a good man. But if the doubt continues, well, you know. I made him promise…”

“He told me, and I agreed.”

Antos looked relieved, “I’m glad. Because I know that it is only a matter of time before they will do something to place him in the desired situation. I am now only one, but I can still do some to protect him. Since you are his Martek, you will be in a better position to see that he keeps his word. To know for sure, simply look in his eyes and you’ll know where he draws the power from.” 

Jabara sat quietly, sipping on the tea she was brought, “I hate to say this, but it would be obviously to their advantage to have denied the bargain.”

“On one level that would make sense, but with it, they have gained not only a connection to him to manipulate his soul from within, but they now have a blade to hold to his throat…me. When they see that he continues to do as he ‘really’ has done before, they will have to figuratively ‘cut his heart out’ make him the empty shell they need, and I am sure they have already made several plans. Those obvious, harm me.”

“But won’t that cut their connection…?”

“If it crushes him, it won’t matter, but there is still a chance he might rebel and do the opposite, so I am only sure that my departure from his life at the moment is plan B. I am not sure what they will do first, but I will remain vigilant.”

“As will I, but…for how long? I mean, we can’t continue this forever…he is only mortal…?” 

Antos looked concern, “I am afraid I cannot say, for even the book did not state how long this contest would continue.” Then he looked up with amusement in his eyes, “But it can only last until the end of ‘his’ day, after that, you’ll be free to do whatever you like.” 

Jabara was going to snap, but was taken off guard by the humor she saw in the familiar but strange eyes, and let out a tiny laugh. Then she got serious, “It rots that all we can do is wait. I feel so…unprepared, and …”

“Vulnerable? For the first time since…forever, I understand just how that feels. But…if I were who I looked like, at this point I’d say…have faith in the Prophets, child.” The teasing light was in his eyes, as a tiny bit of anger was in his voice at the mention of the others. “Perhaps they actually may remember they’re involved in this…game, and help.” 

“What are you saying, that the Prophets…”

Antos held up a hand to stop her, “I did not come here to taint your beliefs, only to talk and bond in unity in our joint goal. I apologize, but ‘my’ views are still quite tainted, and well, they have nothing to do with you.” He gave a slight bow, “Keep vigil,” he stated then vanished into the shadows. 

Jabara sat back, “Well, now that was weird. If anyone ever said I’d have a civil conversation with a Pa-Wraith as well as be in alliance I’d have decked them…who knew?” 

************

A week had passed and all was going well; for Julian kept his promise, regardless of who arrived at his doorstep or what they said. It was easy most of the time, for Julian was full of compassion, and for the few he felt no stirring of the gift, he did his best as a normal healer to help. Most of the time he was successful, but when he failed, he was able to take a quiet moment and recall what Bareil taught him, and release his hold of the pain so he would have room to help others…it is by the will of the Prophets, he would say to end his mediation. 

Today he had a day off and took some time in the Temple, glad that Vedek Kallen remained on the station, for Julian found his council helpful. After a short lunch with the Vedek, he was going to see if Antos was around, his lover being very busy, but not saying about what, but he knew it dealt with the Wraiths, and after talking with Kallen, he knew he had to simply accept and greet each day one at a time. This helped a great deal, otherwise, he’d be going insane with curiosity and push his lover at every turn to know what was occurring, but he was more than glad to accept the tiny bit of ignorance, for underneath it all was trust, and that was what mattered. 

He was heading across the promenade when he spotted an old friend, and wondered how they got here without him hearing about it ahead of time? He walked into Quarks and moved easily up to the man he had not seen in a few years. “Hey, what brings you here?” he smiled warmly as he took a seat across from his old friend. 

“Excuse me, but do I know you? Or better yet, do you think you know me?” the man growled over his drink. 

“Ah, Will, are you all right?” 

The man across from him, looking every bit like Will Riker, accept that he was a bit thinner, and his eyes darker, snorted in disgust, “I’m not ‘Will’ Riker,” he growled. Then after slamming down the drink he wiped his eyes and looked at the man sitting across from him, a slow smile coming to him, “Sorry, but I’m still having trouble adjusting to people…coming up and mistaking me for my brother.” 

Julian looked astonished, “I didn’t know Will had a twin?” 

Another dark smirk crossed the familiar and not so familiar handsome face, “Neither did he,” then he looked at the man across from him. “Tom, Thomas William Riker,” he said, putting his hand out and shaking the young man’s, allowing the contact to last for as long as he could. 

“Doctor Julian Bashir,” he smiled warmly, feeling a bit off balance. But it was not totally unexpected, for even if he and Will were friends, they were not close, and he hadn’t talked with him…well in quite a while. In fact, had Will been a bit more flexible in his designs on life, Julian would have been more than glad at one time to become…closer. 

Tom’s eyes went wide for just a moment then slowly pulled back his hand, “Well, you look awfully young to be a doctor,” he teased. 

Julian snorted; he knew a line when he heard it. “Well, perhaps a few years ago you could have said that, but, I’m quite sure I’ve aged enough now,” he smiled back. “Say, I hope you weren’t offended or anything…”

“Naw, like I said, it happens a lot.”

“Well, ah, do you mind if I call you Tom?” 

He laughed, “So long as I can call you Julian, I think we have a deal.” 

“Well, Tom. If you’re going to be here for a while, would you care to join me? I was about to have lunch…unless you’ve already eaten?”

Tom smiled, his blue eyes still looking dark as he looked at his empty glass, “No, I haven’t eaten, and yes, I’d like that, so long as you let me get dinner? I mean, fair is fair, right?” 

Julian responded to the charm and smiled easily. He also could see a man in pain and in need of a friend, “Yep, fair is fair. Okay, you’re on.” 

The two men ordered lunch and talked, well mostly Julian talked, and Tom Riker listen intently, truly intrigued with his luncheon companion. Then afterwards, Julian gave him a tour of the promenade, and was going to show him the station, but a medical emergency that required his expertise intervened, and he left, but not before agreeing on a time to meet for dinner. 

Thomas Riker walked into his dark quarters very pleased with how things had gone today, that he wasn’t even bothered by the chill in the air. He tossed his jacket on the sofa and gathered another drink from the replicator. 

“Well,” hissed a voice. 

“Well what? We met, we ate, and we have dinner planned. You can’t expect these things to occur over night,” he said easily. 

“We can and we do,” the voice hissed. 

“Then you may have power, but lack insight. I told you I would get you what you want, but it ‘will’ take time like I said.”

“Time is not on your side,” the voice hissed.

“Hey, I said I would and I will, now back off!” he snapped. “You said you chose me for you knew I could accomplish this where others would fail. If that’s the case, back off and give me room to maneuver, alright?” 

“Very well,” the voice hissed. Normally not willing to bend, but since they were limited to what they could and couldn’t do because of the Sisko, they would make concessions, for the moment. 

“Oh, and one more thing, I’d like to add something to our little bargain,” Thomas stated as he flopped down on the couch, his drink in tow.

“No.” 

“Fine, send me back, I’ve survived without you, I can do it again,” he said plainly. He heard the foul words and ignored their threats, for personally he didn’t care, and he knew they would give in, they had no choice, since they needed him. He was no fool, his use was limited and when done he’d either be back in prison or dead, but at the moment he was free and he would be able to get some revenge on his so-called brother. 

“What?” the voice finally hissed in anger. 

“When I’m done, I want him to be mine. I mean, you won’t have any use for him, I want him, that’s all,” he said finishing his drink. 

“Agreed, we will not want him when you are done with him. You may have him, but there will be no more concessions or when this is done, we will make you beg for death, as we can do now,” the voice hissed. 

“Agreed,” he replied, for it was one thing to push these things, another to totally piss them off. Beside, there was a slight chance if he played his cards right, they might let him live a bit longer, that he might actually enjoy the young man he just laid claim on. As the chill in the room subsided, he lay down on the couch and dreamed of golden skin, soft accented voice, and how all would look and sound in the throws of passion. //Probably the only thing that ‘is’ all me, // he thought, for Will was too damn straight for anyone’s own good. Then he slept, a dark smile creeping to his lips as he thought about what he had in store for the young healer.


	4. Renewal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But now there is another player in the dark game, and who will be the true victor as the game comes to an end?

Life was good again! Julian had his lover back by his side, and he had a new friend that in Tom Riker. The two of them had become fast buddies, almost like he and O’Brien, going to the holodeck and saving the world. The only thing that kept it from being a total paradise was that Antos couldn’t join them or join Julian anywhere except in their cabin or when Julian was alone. Both men understood that the sudden appearance of Antos Bareil would cause major problems, and it was quite a surprise to Julian to hear that Antos…a ‘former’ Pa-Wraith couldn’t change his form. 

“Probably a curse from the others to assure I can’t become a major influence in the situation at hand,” Antos had stated. 

Julian agreed that it made sense, and on a deep level, it was kind of exciting having a secret lover that he didn’t have to share with the world. Oh, Jabara knew, and she joined the couple for dinner from time to time, schooling Julian in the prophet’s teachings, much to the young man’s displeasure. 

“We all know that I’m not the Ameket, so why are you pushing it?” he snapped at Jabara as she joined him and his love for another dinner in their quarters.

“That is were you are wrong,” both Jabara and Antos replied, then looked at each other as if the two never discussed their understanding of the matter. 

“What do you mean? I wasn’t chosen by the Prophets, but the Wraiths?”

“Are you so sure?” Antos asked. “Think about it? My people may still have some influence on a few people, but not those that led you to this path. Plus, the Vedeks allowed you to go up to the mountains where I found you. And to be honest, I didn’t choose you because you were Doctor Bashir, I simply grabbed you out of the air as you were falling to your possible death. I…just reacted.”

Julian gave a loving smile. “Then it seemed that you were on the road to rehabilitation long before you met me.” 

Jabara had listened to her instincts, and she could feel the love in the room, and finally accepted that this Antos Bariel was a good person, just from a bad family. “He’s right you know. I know I don’t know you very well, but the fact that you love Julian and have done so much for him and my people, proves you are a good person, and I’m glad I got to know you.”

“Thank you,” Antos replied with a bit of blush to his face at the compliment. 

“I wish Tom could join us. I think he’d like you too,” Julian quipped as he started to clear the dishes from the table. He didn’t notice the looks that both Jabara and Antos had, for they were gone by the time he turned around. 

He brought over some wine, “So, back to the subject at hand. What makes you say I’m not this…Su’meket?” 

“Because…” Antos said softly then looked at Jabara who nodded giving him her support, then looked back at his love. “You are both. There is only one key, meaning only one person can chose the pathway, and for whatever reasons, the Prophets have placed that in your lap. If you use the gift unwisely than you will become the Su’meket, but if you continue to use your heart and all the love it possesses, you will remain the Ameket.”

Julian sat quietly listening, and then gulped his wine. “How can they place such a burden on my lap?” he snapped. “Shit, I’m only human! In fact, I am only human…why would they chose me?” He got up looking very uncomfortable, even more so than when all this first started. 

Jabara and Antos exchanged a concern look, for they were both sure Julian had some understanding of all this when it all first began, so they didn’t understand his reaction. “Love, you knew about the Ameket, and the Su’meket, why are you so upset to hear that you are both?”

Julian whirled toward Antos, “Because that means there is no one else to stop me from hurting thousands if not millions of innocent people, that’s why! Knowing I was this…unchosen one, I could at least keep a low profile, deal with the Wraiths’ anger, and let the true chosen healer do what needed to be done. But you’re telling me I’m both, and since I’ve already made a deal, which I’m sure the Pa-Wraiths aren’t going to forget anytime soon…well you’re telling me I just fucked the universe!” He slammed down another glass of wine, and on an impulse he placed the glass down and stormed out of their quarters. 

Jabara had gotten up to follow him, but a gentle hand on her shoulder stopped her. She turned to Antos, “What’s gotten into him?” her concern clear in her eyes. 

“Realization of just how much truly rests on his shoulders. Plus, he’s coming to understand that he can’t do what he thought he could.” 

“What do you mean?”

“Julian made the pack with my people for me, knowing that if he were to renege they would kill me. But in order for us to be together, he would have to release the Pa-wraiths, and as I already knew, he’s not that selfish, even if he’s trying to be. His heart won’t let him hurt the people, but it also doesn’t want to be hurt with my death.”

Jabara turned to stare at the closed doors, “I wish I could do more to help him.”

“As do I, but this is his battle and his choice. I’ve come to understand that, you must too.”

Jabara nodded, and then looked up at the strange familiar face, “He’s going to go to Tom Riker’s. I…I don’t trust him.” 

“I don’t either, but…again; it’s Julian’s choice…not ours.”

“So you’re going to do nothing?” 

“I didn’t say that. I only said it was Julian’s choice,” Antos smirked. “Thanks for coming by. I’ll clean up, so why don’t you get some rest.”

“All right,” she agreed. “Good night.” 

Once she had left, Antos looked serous and used his powers to clean up, then vanished. He couldn’t interfere, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t watch…just in case.

************* 

“Enter,” Tom Riker called out. 

Julian came in his quarters, almost storming, but calmed himself, since he remembered he couldn’t discuss this with Tom. He looked over to see his friend was only half dressed, in tight dark sweat pants, and nothing else. “Ah…sorry, didn’t mean to bother you, Tom,” he stuttered, feeling a draw to the strong sexy man that was walking up to him. //I’m with Antos, // his mind chided. 

“You didn’t disturb me, Julian. I was just doing some stretching exercises. You look upset, something wrong?” he asked as he gently placed a hand on Julian’s shoulder and led him to the sofa. 

“Ah…a bit. Nothing serious,” he added, since again, he couldn’t discuss it. He then let out a relaxing breath, “have you had dinner yet?” he smiled. 

“No, care to join me?” 

“I ah, I had dinner, but I was wondering if afterwards if you want…we could go save the universe again,” he laughed, suddenly feeling the heat off the man’s body that was so close to him. He really liked Tom, and he did find the man very attractive, had he not met Antos first…perhaps. But he loved Antos…so why was he feeling this. For the sake of peace in his mind and body he stood up. “On second thought, I did disturb you. How about we meet for dinner…” 

Tom saw the look in Julian’s eye, the one he had been waiting for, and wouldn’t wait any long for. He stood up and cut Julian’s sentence off with a deep searing kiss as his arms wrapped around his body, pulling him in close. He knew what was going to happen, so when Julian first started to melt, he enjoyed it, but then as Julian grew stiff, he held on just a bit longer before letting him go, of the kiss, not his grip. “I’m sorry, but I wanted to do that from the moment I saw you,” he panted, turning up the charm. 

“I ah…I should go,” Julian said, trying to slip from Tom’s grip, but he found he couldn’t. “Tom, please let me go?” 

Tom leered at him and released his hold on the firm slender body. “Stay, Julian,” he asked in a sultry voice. 

“I ah…I can’t,” Julian replied and before anything could happen, he turned and moved as fast as his feet could carry him without actually running, out of Tom’s quarters. Had he stayed a moment longer at the doors, he would have heard the dark laughter coming from Tom Riker himself. 

But Julian didn’t hear it as he rushed through the halls, not sure where to go. Part of him wanted to go home…but he didn’t want to deal with the Prophets and stuff, he just couldn’t, and he didn’t have a lot of friends on board anymore; well none he could talk to about any of this. The only ones were…Vedek Kallen! 

It didn’t take long before he reached to Vedek’s quarters, and rang the chime, but there was no response. He tried again, still nothing. Since the Vedek was not part of the crew, the computer wouldn’t have an automatic lock on him, so Julian was out of luck. He started walking down the hall feeling confused, and then suddenly he knew…he wasn’t alone anymore. He looked around, and he didn’t see anything or anyone, which made him realize what type of company had had. “Okay, I know your there…what?” 

“You made a pack…mortal. Time to hold up your end of the deal or we will claim the unworthy one this night, and he will know unspeakable horrors for the next hundred centuries, unless we grow board of him,” the voice hissed. 

“So again, what?” Julian hissed back. 

“Take the mortal named Riker to the planet near the altar. Spill his blood in the name of the Ameket and Su’meket, and set us free! We will wait no longer!” 

//Murder! // “What! I can’t…”

“Then we take the unworthy one…your choice. If you do not do what you are told by the midnight hour of the planet below, we will strike.” then ice filled the air and then it was gone, and Julian knew so was the Wraith. 

Julian stood there stunned. //I can’t let them take Antos…but I can’t…I just can’t!// He felt like he was going to cry, and he needed a drink. He started to stumble his way back down the hall and ran smack into Tom Riker. “Tom!”

“I’m sorry, Julian. I didn’t mean to upset you like that. I came looking for you to apologize. So, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s alright. You…you didn’t…I mean…” he wanted to say that Tom didn’t know he was seeing someone, but that led to other questions, and as it was…this was the man the Wraiths wanted dead…but why? //He’s not even Bajoran, then again, neither am I? // he gave a heavy sigh, he really could use a drink to numb his brain, and perhaps he could think clearer…//yeah that makes sense.// 

“Julian, are you okay?” Tom asked with concern, moving closer, but keeping a bit of distance between them this time. “I promise to behave, if you come back with me so we can talk…okay?” He saw Julian nod and followed Tom Riker back to his quarters. 

Tom offered him a large glass of wine. “Here, this will help you feel better,” he stated as he took a glass for himself and sat down in a chair. “Again, I’m sorry. I…” he became quite, looking at his glass. 

Julian drank deeply of the wine, and then looked at Tom, “Its okay. I like you as a friend Tom. If things were different…but their not, I’m the one who’s sorry,” he said, his eyes tearing from the frustration he felt. 

“Please, don’t be,” Tom assured him. Then he placed his glass down, “I’ll be back in a minute, natures calling,” he smirked and then exited the room. 

Julian finished his wine, and felt the emotional drain taking its toll. He laid down on the sofa, //Just for a minute, I’m sure Tom won’t mine, // was the last thing he remembered. 

*********

It was cold…

He shivered and then turned and blindly reached out to find covers or a blanket that wasn’t there and found none. What he found was cold stone. He opened his eyes and looked around, and saw a night sky. Then he stood up and as he turned some more his eyes went wide and he gasped in horror…next to the altar was not only Tom Riker, but Antos, tied up in strange looking chains. He shivered again, not just from the surprise of seeing his friend and lover captive, but looked down at himself, and found he was only wearing black shorts. //When did I change? How did I get here? // he asked with concern. He then moved to Antos and tried to remove the chains and couldn’t. He then tried to remove the gag, it too wouldn’t come free. He looked into his eyes and saw…fear?

“What happened?” he asked, knowing that Antos couldn’t reply since he had a gag in his mouth. Then he moved to Tom, who flinched from him also in fear. He didn’t say anything as he tried to take off the chain, this too wouldn’t come off. Then he tried the gag, it wasn’t budging either. 

Then the wind around him grew even colder and he wrapped his arms around his smooth strong golden chest. It took only a second but he felt them…lurking in the shadows…waiting. “What have you done?” he yelled, his anger and his own fear overwhelming him. 

“What have you done?” a dark voice, different then the other mocked. 

“One will live, one will die…choose…Ameket!” hissed another. 

Then on the altar a simple silver dagger with a black hilt appeared, and the blade shined from the moonlight that just barely touched it. “Choose!” voices echoed. 

“Blood shall be spilled this night, mortal. You can not stop it! You can choose however which one it will belong to,” the regular dark voice echoed. 

Julian looked from Tom to Antos and back again. Tom was shaking his head no, fear in his eyes, and Antos was doing the same, but the fear was not for his own life…but for others. 

“Choose or we will kill them both,” hissed another shadow, his impatience showing. 

“Do that and you lose everything!” Julian snapped back, trying to buy himself time, but for what, he didn’t know. 

“Pick up the blade,” the regular voice ordered. “Now!” 

Julian felt compelled to listen, at least at this point. He moved slowly, and wrapped his delicate fingers around the blade; though it hardly had any physical weight, to him it was like picking up the world. He was shivering, as he moved back to face the two people he cared about, one a new friend that was simply caught up in all this, the other, his love. He closed his eyes, trying to recall how they got here…but he couldn’t, and the echoes from all the Wraiths were not helping matters. 

Suddenly another cold breeze caught his attention, but he knew this wind was not natural. He looked and saw a small dust devil around a large rock, the moonlight not quite touching it. “When the light touches the stone, it will be midnight. You will choose, or we will choose for you,” the voice hissed. 

Julian could tell, it wouldn’t be long before the light would touch, and he looked at the two men. He then knelt between them, and placed a kiss on Antos’ cheek, “I’m sorry,” he whispered, his eyes filled with tears. He saw Antos shaking his head violently, knowing what he was saying. Then Julian turned to Tom and placed a kiss on his cheek, “I wish I could have explained all this, and how you got caught up in all this. I’m sorry for this.” Then he looked at the large stone, any second now the light was going to touch. 

He adjusted his grip on the handle and steeled himself and placed the blade against flesh, his hand shaking, then with a prayer in his soul…he struck!

The chains fell as did the gags, while the screeches of dark wails filled the midnight air. Antos shook off his bonds and grabbed Julian, “NO!” he shouted, but the body was cold and lifeless, the dagger had struck true in his heart. 

“This was NOT Suppose to happen!” Tom shouted, he too stricken by the young man’s death. 

“What was supposed to happen?” Antos asked, as he looked up at the other man, darkness filling his eyes. “Oh, let me guess,” his tone dripping with sarcasm. “He was supposed to kill you, and in exchange for your part in the Pa-wraiths release, you got what? Power, wealth, both?” 

Tom looked at Antos with an equal amount of disdain, “You can’t kill what’s already dead,” he snapped. His eyes crackling with the glow of the wraiths. “but with my blood, the wraiths would have corrupted him, and gained their freedom, in a much faster manor, than what you originally had planned. They would have taken you anyway, and Julian…he was going to be mine.” 

His anger took hold of him and he dropped Julian’s body and charged Tom Riker. The two forces clashed and the sound of thunder echoed in the valley with each blow one landed on the other. The air was crisp with the vibrant feeling of power as the two men struggled against one another, their raw dark emotions flowing freely, as death was their only goal for the other. They continued their struggle, never taking note to the figure that moved silently in the darkness. 

Tom suddenly turned from Antos for he understood the warning from the shadows, to see what it was, but this left him open to the assault of a thick rock smashing down on his head, and his body collapsed to the ground, the wraith that possessed it, scurrying away, leaving the empty shell to its demise. 

Antos’ chest heaved, for he was not use to this sort of physical sparing, for he never had done so as a pure wraith. He then turned to see a shadow figure by Julian’s body. “Get away from him!” he growled as he stormed toward the intruder. 

“Hold!” the strong voice commanded. 

Antos stopped in his tracks, but he didn’t let down his guard, or the bloody rock still held in his hand. “Who are you and what do you want here?” he dammed, not standing for anymore harm to come to Julian…even if it was only his body left. 

The figure moved into the moonlight, and the man was dressed in Vedek’s robe, but as the hood was pulled down, the tall dark skinned man was unfamiliar to Antos…yet not. It took him a moment to recall where he had seen this one before. “Emissary?” 

“Formally Captain Ben Sisko, yes that is I. As to what I am doing here, I am here to finalize the prophesy set forth by the Prophets long before even you were created.” He then knelt down next to Julian’s body and slowly pulled the knife from his heart. “Ah, Julian, I knew you couldn’t betray your heart…only hurt it,” he said softly, as if giving the man a light scolding, while still being proud of him at the same time. “The time of choosing is over, and you chose for the children of the prophets,” he stated as he laid his hand on the wound. His dark hand glowed white. 

Julian took a deep breath and Antos dropped the rock and was by his side in a second. “Julian!” he cried, tears of joy falling down his face. 

Julian opened his eyes, and was a bit puzzled, “Antos?” he asked, his voice soft, as if he had only been sleeping. Then he looked at the figure over him and his eyes went wide, “Captain?” 

“Just Ben, Julian,” he smiled warmly. 

Julian sat up, taking the support Antos offered. “You’re…You’re back!” His grin filled his eyes at the site of his friend and former commander. 

Ben’s eyes looked sad, “Not really. I will come back, Julian, just not yet. But,” his face taking on a prideful aura, “I am proud of you. You did very well, for I knew no matter what you wouldn’t choose the wrong path.”

“But I killed…” he looked down at his chest, seeing no sign of a scar, “myself,” then looked back at Ben. 

“Yes, I know. Had you chosen either Tom Riker or,” he looked at the Wraith, “this one, you would have chosen the wrong path, for one murder, the other selfish, and they were counting on either, for that was all they could see was an option.” 

Julian simply nodded, glad for Antos' arms, for not having anything on but shorts, he was cold. “So, it’s over?” he asked in a hushed voice. 

Ben smiled, “Yes, it’s over, Julian. The good guys won.” 

Julian looked a bit pleased, then he looked puzzled, “Ben…why me?” 

Ben’s eyes grew heavy with some sorrow, “I’m afraid that’s my fault. I chose you, for I knew what was in your heart. I am sorry for the pain I caused you, but it was necessary, to be rid of the Wraiths once and for all.” 

Julian suddenly grew concerned, and hugged Antos, “Surely not all of them?” 

Ben gave a small smile, “He is not Pa-Wraith. Not since he fell in love with you, Julian. They were incapable of it, but as always, those you touch are transformed, healed for the better.” 

“Does that mean I get to keep the gift?” 

“It is your gift, Julian, what you do with it is your business.” 

Julian hugged Antos, and then saw from the corner of his eye the blood. Then he sat up and looked over his shoulder and saw…Tom Riker dead. “Tom!” he pushed up from Antos’ arms and scrambled to Tom’s side, to see he was dead. He looked back at Ben, “I can’t bring back the dead…but you can. Heal him!” he order, his heart aching for his friend. 

“I can’t Julian, I’m sorry.” 

“What do you mean you can’t? You healed me didn’t you?”

“Yes, but you were not dead very long. Tom Riker…he died long before you met him, I’m sorry.” 

Julian looked puzzled, first at Ben then Antos. “What’s he talking about?” Then he saw it, the blood stained rock, and blood on Antos’ hands. “What the hell happened here?” 

“Julian,” Ben stated as he stood, trying to use his voice to sooth the young healer. “Tom Riker was in a Cardassian prison when the Dominion tried to destroy all of Cardassia. The wraiths found him, for his soul had become as black as their own, and he made a dreadful bargain. He gave his life so one of the wraiths could walk among us, and he came here with every intention of corrupting you, one way or another. He drugged the wine, and then brought you here. The wraiths brought Antos. When you chose to give you life for the love of the universe, you broke the hold the wraiths had on Antos, and the wraiths knew they were doomed. The two fought, and Antos’ or the former wraith in his form, won.” 

Julian sat quietly, his slender body shivering from the cold, as sorrow for the man he thought he knew, and wished he had, laid next to him lifeless. He then wiped his eyes and turned toward Ben, “what now?”

“Now…you go back to DS9 and live, Julian. You live.” 

“How? What’s going to happen to Antos?” 

Ben closed his eyes for a moment, and then gave a small smile, “there is a reason for all things, Julian. If nothing else, try and remember that.” Then he reached out and touched the former Pa-wraith, who shrank under his touch and then vanished.

“Antos!” Julian cried out, and stood, ready to fight, but yet with his love gone… “What did you do?” he demanded. 

Ben pointed behind Julian. 

Julian turned to see Tom Riker’s body suddenly take in a deep breath, the wounds were all gone. He then looked at Ben for clarification. 

“He could not exist as Antos Bariel, but he can as Thomas Riker…now couldn’t he?” 

Julian then turned to see the figure moving slowly, and he knelt back down. He helped the man sit, and waited until the man was able to focus, “Antos?” 

The bright eyes looked up at him confused, “who?” Then he looked around, “Ah, Julian, what’s going on?” 

Julian turned to Ben, “Good question.” 

Ben walked over to Tom and rested a hand on his head; the man fell back to the ground, asleep. Then he looked at Julian. “For him to live, he had to become mortal. So, he has become Tom Riker, though his soul is the one you love, and I assure you still loves you. But, as in all things, the choice is yours.”

“Wait, I didn’t chose to be involved in all this,” he snapped, ignoring the fact he was turning blue from cold. 

Ben smiled down at the young man that had grown so much over the years, “Didn’t you? You took on the burden of the universe, it finally decide to allow you too. Perhaps now, you’ll settle for just your part in it.” Then Ben reached down and placed a hand on Julian’s shoulder and in a flash they were both in Julian’s quarters. 

Ben then moved and gathered a blanket and wrapped it around Julian’s shoulders. “Only those who were directly involved in this, such as you, and Jabara will remember Antos, the rest of the people of Bajor or anyone else will simply forget and move on. As for your gift, you will still have it, it just won’t be as obvious, meaning, no one but you and Jabara, and perhaps…Tom here, should you chose to tell him, will know.” 

“What about Vedek Kallen?” 

Ben smiled, and then his form altered, and Vedek Kallen stood before him, “I’ll remember, but for other reasons. I have to go now Julian. There is no need to mention me, for as I said, it isn’t time, and don’t worry about when that time will be. Just be happy, you deserve it.” With those parting words, Ben Sisko aka Vedek Kallen vanished in a flash of light. 

Julian turned and shifted Tom’s body so he was wrapped in his arms, using the sofa to lean on. “Can you hear me?” he whispered, not sure how to handle this. 

Once again, bright eyes shined up at him, this time he could see the light that made Antos special and was the reason they shined so brightly and he smiled. “Hey?” 

“Hey, yourself,” the tired voice replied, and then shifted, sitting up. He looked around, “Ah, Julian, how did we get on the floor and you in only shorts?” 

“Does it matter?” he asked, as he leaned in and placed a kiss on soft firm lips. It was a unique experience, for though the kiss did have a trace of being Tom Riker, as he had tasted before, it was very much Antos’ love he felt surging through. Then he leaned back and met smiling bright eyes looking back at him. 

“Wow! I...I wanted to do that from the moment I met you,” Tom stated, his face giving a small blush. 

Julian reached out and caressed the new face of the soul he knew he loved and would love so long as it was his choice to do so. “As did I,” he whispered, and took his lover’s lips again with his own. Feeling strong arms wrap around him, he broke the kiss, and looked at his love in his new form. “One step at a time?” he asked, needing time to adjust, even if Antos/Tom didn’t know why. 

“Yes, I’d like that,” Tom replied, his eyes sparkling with life. “I’d like that very much.” 

Then the two men stood up and hugged. The Tom noticed the time, “It’s late, and I know you have a shift tomorrow, I should be going.” 

“So long as you promise to meet me for lunch and dinner tomorrow?” //and breakfast for the next fifty years or so.// he thought with a loving smile. 

“I’d like that. Ah, how about breakfast?”

“Love too, but I have to meet up with Jabara, but I’ll be looking forward to lunch,” he smiled and kissed Tom once more, then watched his love and soon to be lover again, leave. //I have a lot to tell her about.// he thought as he moved into his bedroom, a huge smile on his face. 

He had taken a shower and was nice and warm in his flannel pajamas, as he scooted into bed, when he felt it…something dark in the shadows. He looked and he could just barely see it, for it was weak. He looked directly at it, “Get lost!” he stated and blew at it, like it was a tiny annoying bug, and it vanished. //You may not be gone yet, but you can’t touch me or my love…ever again!// he thought as he snuggled down to sleep, his dreams filled with happiness and joy of what he hoped to be, not knowing that he was seeing the future promised him by the Prophets for being himself…their chosen healer. 


End file.
